>>Stephen: WELCOME TO THE
LATE SHOWMENT I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT IT IT IS DAY–
(APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: IT IS DAY
100– 102 OF THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY, 1,358 DAYS TO GO. BUT WHO’S COUNTING? (LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: NOW TRUMP HAS
REPEATEDLY SAID THAT THIS HUNDRED DAY THING IS TOTALLY
ARBITRARY, OKAY. TOTAL LEER UNIMPORTANT. AND TO PROVE HOW UNIMPORTANT IT
IS, HE TOOK OUT A TV AD, HE CUT A CAKE ON AIR FORCE ONE, AND HE
HELD A RALLY IN PENNSYLVANIA. THE THEME OF THAT RALLY,
PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KEPT. WHICH IS BETTER THAN THE
ORIGINAL SLOGAN, PROMISES MADE, NEVER MIND, NEVER SAID IT, FAKE
NEWS, WATCH FOXAN FRIENDS. SO, NICE, GOT A RHYTHM. (APPLAUSE)
HE ALSO PROVED JUST HOW UNIMPORTANT THIS WAS WITH A
BUNCH OF INTERVIEWS OVER THE WEEKEND. FIRST ON FRIDAY HE TALKED WITH
REUTERS ABOUT HIS NEW JOB.>>WELL, I LOVE MY– I LOVED MY
PREVIOUS LIFE, I LOVED MY PREVIOUS LIFE. HI SO MANY THINGS GOING. I ACTUALLY, THIS IS MORE WORK
THAN MY PREVIOUS LIFE. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASIER.>>Stephen: HUH. HOW ABOUT THAT?>>Jon: HE THOUGHT IT IT WOULD
BE EASIER.>>Stephen: IT IT TURNS OUT
BEING LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD IS HARDER THAN LICENSING YOUR
NAME TO LUXURY MEAT. DELICIOUS. BUTS THAT HE’S NOT ALL. HE TRUMPED ON.>>I THOUGHT IT IT WAS
MORE– I’M A DETAILS ORIENTED PERSON, I THINK YOU WOULD SAY
THAT. BUT I DO MISS MY OLD LIFE.>>Stephen: WE ALL DO, SIR. WE ALL MISS IT. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: I GET WHY HE
MISSES IT, I GET IT MAN. BECAUSE IN HIS OLD LIFE HE COULD
SPEND HIS DAYS GOLFING, INSULTING PEOPLE ON TWITTER AND
HANGING OUT WITH HIS FAMILY. ALSO, NOW. BUT THAT’S NOT THE ONLY REASON
HE’S BUMMED. IT’S ALSO BECAUSE, I CAN’T DRIVE
ANY MORE. AND YOU KNOW HE DROVE ALL THE
TIME. HE WAS A GREAT DRIVER. JUST LOOK HOW COMFORTABLE HE IS
BEHIND THE BHEEL. (LAUGHTER)
— WHEEL. THAT’S PACKLY HOW I DRIVE. HANDS AT 7 AND 5, MOUTH OPEN,
SCREAMING. AAHHH! RED LIGHTED! THANKS, OBAMA.>>Jon: OPEN ROAD.>>Stephen: OF COURSE HE
ADDRESSED THE PROUDEST ACHIEVEMENT OF HIS PRESIDENCY,
EXISTING. BECAUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF
DISCUSSING CHINESE AMERICAN RELATIONS WITH THE REUTERS
REPORTERS STOPPED TO HAND OUT COPIES OF WHAT HE SAID WERE THE
LATEST FIGURES OF THE 2016 ELECTORAL MAP SAYING PRETTY
GOOD, RIGHT, THE RED IS OBVIOUSLY US. THE BLUE, OBVIOUSLY DEMOCRATS,
EXCEPT WHEN IT’S WATER, HARD TO TELL. AQUA MAN, PERSONAL FRIEND, GREAT
GUY. PROBABLY. PROBABLY. (APPLAUSE)
THERE IS EVEN A PICTURE.>>I COLORED THESE MYSELF. THESE ARE ALL– THESE ARE ALL
PLACEMATS. I HAD THEM– I HAD THEM– CAN
YOU PUT THAT PHOTO BACK UP. THIS IS MY IMPRESSION OF A
T-REX, LITTLE HANDS, LIKE THIS, LIKE–
(APPLAUSE) LIKE THIS.>>Stephen: EVERYTHING IS IN
HERE. I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT THE
OFFICIAL DEFINING HUNDRED DAYS INTERVIEW TOOK PLACE RIGHT HERE
ON CBS WITH THE NATION FACE HIMSELF JOHN DICKERSON
YESTERDAY. AND HE STARTED OFF WITH NORTH
KOREA.>>MR. PRESIDENT, YOU AND THE
ADMINISTRATION SAID TO NORTH KOREA, DON’T TEST A MISSILE. THEY HAVE TESTED A MISSILE. IS THE PRESSURE NOT WORKING?>>WELL, I DIDN’T SAY DON’T TEST
A MISSILE. HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO DO WHAT
HE HAS TO DO.>>Stephen: SO YOU ARE
OFFICIAL POLICY IS, YOU DO YOU. WHAT CAN I SAY, HITLER GONNA
HITLER. KIM JONG GONNAU N.>>THEN OUR FRIEND JOHN
DICKERSON ASKED TRUMP WHAT HE THOUGHT OF KIM JONG UN.>>I CAN TELL IT YOU THIS, A THE
LO OF PEOPLE DON’T LIKE WHEN I SAY IT IT HE WAS A YOUNG MAN OF
26 OR 27 WHEN HE TOOK OVER FROM HIS FATHER. A LOT OF PEOPLE, I’M SURE, TRIED
TO TAKE THAT POWER AWAY. WHETHER IT IT WAS HIS UNCLE OR
ANYBODY ELSE. AND HE WAS ABLE TO DO IT. SO OBVIOUSLY HE’S A PRETTY SMART
COOKIE.>>Stephen: SO, TRUMP
THINKS– NO, NO, TRUMP THINGS KIM JONG UNIS A SMART COOKIE TO
WHICH ALL OF NORTH KOREA REPLIED, COOKIE? HE’S A MONSTER. THE POINT IS HE IS A MONSTER. FAT LITTLE MONSTER. NOW DICKERSON GAMELY TRIED TO
GET TRUMP TO COMMIT TO RELEASING HIS TAX RETURN FINALLY BUT IT IT
WAS THE SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE ABOUT UNDER AUDIT. SO I WOULD LIKE TO REPHRASE THE
QUESTION. MR. PRESIDENT, CAN YOU TALK
ABOUT YOUR TAX RETURNS AS A METAPHOR FOR YOUR PENIS.>>I HAVE A VERY BIG TAX RETURN. YOU’VE SEEN THE PICTURE, MY TAX
RETURN IS PROBABLY HIGHER THAN THAT, FROM THE FLOOR. WHEN YOU LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE’S
TAX RETURN, EVEN OTHER WEALTHY PEOPLE, THEIR TAX RETURN IS THIS
THING. MY TAX RETURN IS THIS HIGH.>>Stephen: WE GET IT. YOU HAVE A HUGE TAX RETURN. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE NICE,
A FULL RELEASE. PLAWTION
(APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: THERE ST.
SORRY– SO I HEARD. I WOULDN’T KNOW. I’M FLAT ERRED BUT I’M NOT INTO
THAT SCENE. LATER IN THE SAME INTERVIEW
TRUMP GAVE DICKERSON A TOUR OF THE OVAL OFFICE.>>THIS IS THE RESOLUTE DESK T
SAY GREAT DESK WITH A PHENOMENAL HISTORY. THIS WAS FDR, IT WAS RONALD
REAGAN, IT WAS KENNEDY. THERE ARE SOME GREAT PRESIDENTS
BEHIND THIS DESK.>>Stephen: HE YES, AND IF YOU
PUT YOUR EAR TO IT LIKE A SEA SHELL, YOU CAN HEAR ALL OF THEM
ROLLING IN THEIR GRAVE. AND PRESIDENT TRUMP–
(APPLAUSE) AND PRESIDENT TRUMP EXPLAINED
THAT VISITORS ARE AWED BY THE POWER OF THE OVAL OFFICE.>>IN ONE CASE I WON’T SAY WHO,
SOMEBODY YOU KNOW VERY WELL, THE HEAD OF A MAJOR, MAJOR COMPANY. THE PERSON CAME INTO THE OVAL
OFFICE AND STARTED TO CRY. THIS IS A TOUGH PERSON, BY THE
WAY. CAME INTO THE OVAL OFFICE AND
STARTED TO CRY.>>Stephen: MR. PRESIDENT, IF
I CAME TO THE OVAL OFFICE AND SAW YOU SITTING BEHIND THE DESK,
I WOULD CRY TOO. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: NOW THERE WAS A
NICE MOMENT WHEN JOHN DICKERSON TALKED ABOUT SOME PREVIOUS
PRESIDENTS THOUGHTS WITH TRUMP, OTHER MEN WHO HAVE STOOD IN THAT
ROOM AND THEIR THOUGHTS ABOUT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE
PRESIDENCIMENT BUT I’M NOT QUITE CLEAR SURE THAT DONALD TRUMP
UNDERSTOOD THE MESSAGEMENT GEORGE W. BUSH SAID THE REASON
THE OVAL OFFICE IS ROUND IS THERE ARE NO CORNERS YOU CAN
BEHIND IN.>>IN IS TRUTH TO THAT. THERE ARE CERTAINLY NO CORNERS.>>Jon: WAIT, WAIT, I DON’T
KNOW. I DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S WHAT HE
MEANT.>>Stephen: OKAY, OKAY, LET’S
BE POSITIVE. AT LEAST HE KNOWS HIS SHAPES. HE KNOWS OVAL, OKAY. HE KNOWS THE PENTAGON. AND RHOMBUS, BECAUSE IT’S REINCE
PRIEBUS’ MIDDLE NAME, REINCE RHOMBUS PRIEBUS. AND OT SUBJECT OF PREVIOUS
PRESIDENTS, DICKERSON ASKED TRUMP IF HE STILL STANDS BY
CLAIMS THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WIRETAPPED HIM.>>DO YOU STAND BY THAT CLAIM.>>I DON’T STAND BY ANYTHING.>>Stephen: IT’S TRUE. HE DOESN’T STAND BY ANYTHING,
EXCEPT THE DRESSING ROOM DOOR AT MISS U.S.A. PAGEANT. (APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: WHO NEEDS SOME
LOTION. BUT BASED ON A TRUE STORY, THAT
JOKE. BUT DICKERSON ASKED HIS QUESTION
ANYWAY.>>BUT I’M ASKING YOU. BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT.>>YOU DON’T HAVE TO ASK ME.>>WHY NOT?>>BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN
OPINIONS AM YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS.>>BUT I WANT TO KNOW YOUR
OPINIONS, YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STAITLE.>>THAT’S ENOUGH, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.>>Stephen: CAN’T TALK ANY
MORE, NO, CAN’T TALK ANY MORE. IMPORTANT– IMPORTANT PRESIDENCY
WORK HERE. GOT TO PRESIDENT ALL OVER THESE
PAPERS HERE. LET’S SEE, LET’S SEE, WHAT THIS,
YES, STILL PAPER, STILL BLANK PAPER, NOTHING ON THERE, LET’S
SEE, LET ME READ THIS PRESIDENTIAL BRIEFING. YEAH, I GOT THE BRIEFING RIGHT
HERE. I GOT THE BRIEFING, YES, IT’S
TRUE, WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: YES, OH, OH, YEAH,
SORRY, JOHN, CAN’T TALK, GOT TO– GOT TO DO SOMETHING, GOT
TO– GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE NATION OF CHARMINISTAN,
SORRY ABOUT THAT. WE MUST WIPE THEM OFF THE MAP,
UH-HUH. IS DICKERSON STILL OVER THERE, I
DON’T WANT TO LOOK. IS HE STILL– BRRRING, BRR,ING,
SORRY, HELLO, HELLO, YES, A VERY SECURE PHONE, YES, THIS IS
DONALD TRUMP. JOHN, I GOT TO TAKE THIS CALL,
IT’S THE PRESIDENT OF ASIA CALLING. HELLO. REALLY IMPORTANT, SWRON, I CAN’T
HEAR YOU, I’VE GOT A BANANA IN MY EAR. OBVIOUSLY I’M JOKING. SOMETHING WAS ON THAT PAPER. ALL RIGHT. DO WE HAVE A REVERSE SHOT, JIM? YEAH, THERE YOU GO. BUT I GOT TO SAY, WALKING OUT IN
THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE WASN’T EVEN THE PRESIDENT’S BIGGEST
INSULT TO JOHN DICKERSON.>>AND I THINK ACTUALLY I’VE
BEEN VERY CONSISTENT. YOU KNOW, IT IS VERY FUNNY WHEN
THE FAKE MEDIA GOES OUT, WHICH WE CALL THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA,
WHICH SOMETIMES I MUST SAY IS YOU.>>YOU MEAN ME PERSONALLY.>>WELL, YOUR SHOW, I LOVE YOUR
SHOW. I CALL IT DEFACE THE NATION.>>Stephen: REALLY. DONALD TRUMP– JOHN DICKERSON IS
A FAIR-MINDED JOURNALIST. AND ONE THE MOST COMPETENT
PEOPLE WHO WILL EVER WALK INTO YOUR OFFICE AND YOU TREAT HIM
LIKE THAT? NOW, JOHN DICKERSON HAS WAY TOO
MUCH DIGNITY TO TRADE INSULTS WITH THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES TO HIS FACE. BUT I, SIR, AM NO JOHN
DICKERSON. (APPLAUSE)
AND WHEN YOU, OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU, LET ME
INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMETHING WE CALL THE TIFFANY WAY. WHEN YOU INSULT ONE MEIVE THE
CBS FAMILY, YOU INSULT US ALL, BA ZYNGA, ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO, ALL RIGHT.>>Jon: GET THE GLOVES OFF.>>Stephen: MR. TRUMP, YOUR
PRESIDENCY, I LOVE YOUR PRESIDENCY. I CALL IT IT DES GRACE THE
NATION. — YOU ARE NOT THE POTUS, ARE
YOU THE BLOTUS, ARE YOU THE GLUT ON WITH THE BUTTON. ARE YOU A REGULAR GORGE
WASHINGTON. ARE YOU THE PRESI-DUNCE, BUT ARE
TURN ITING TOO A REAL PRIK-TALT TATOR. SIR, YOU ATTRACT MORE SKIN HEADS
THAN FREE ROGAINE. YOU HAVE MORE PEOPLE MARCHING
AGAINST YOU THAN CANCER. YOU TALK LIKE A SIGN LANGUAGE
GORILLA WHO GOT HID IN THE HEAD. IN FACT THE ONLY THING YOUR
MOUTH IS GOOD FOR IS BEING A PUTTIN’S [BLEEP] HOLSTER. YOUR PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY, IS
GOING TO BE A KID’S MENU AN A COUPLE OF JU GG’S MAGAZINE. THE ONLY THING SMALLER THAN YOUR
HANDS IS YOUR TAX RETURN. AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT ANYWAY YOU
WANT. WE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. CHRIS PRATT IS HERE.
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON. WHEN YOU COME BACK, I WILL BE
RIGHT HERE WITH HISTORY LESSONS FOR DONALD TRUMP.

Tagged : # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Dennis Veasley

100 thoughts on “This Monologue Goes Out To You, Mr. President”

  1. According to the Mueller report there was no collusion no conspiracy. Don't y'all feel stupid now? How about manning up and apologizing for lying to your audience for two years Colbert?

  2. FDR, Ronald Reagan, Kennedy and nearly mentioned Obama : p He was about too and also Clinton! But then he realized SHE never was President.

  3. One good thing about Trump, he's brought out the brilliance in Stephen Colbert. I mean, Stephen destroys Trump on a daily basis. Thank you, Stephen, you, Trevor Noah, and Seth Meyers keep me sane.

  4. I want to salute all the courageous and hard working Journalists who go out to interview President Trump.
    He's a narcissistic individual who becomes uncouth and verbally abusive once things don't go his way..He's a learning point for the whole world, and to think he's over 70 years old…He would have been a very awful man in his younger years…
    Africans believe old age makes you wiser…but this man? I rest my case…

  5. So funny! The day Colbert tosses his hat in the ring with his better policies will be the day I donate. Show me something, funny little man.

  6. Two years later and this is still accurate. So sad that this orange won presidency, hopefully we get someone better next time.

  7. This monologue never fails to knock me out. I could listen and see a million times and it would never loose its edge. Thank you Stephen Colbert.

  8. THIS was when I started watching Colbert religiously. Even went to Ed Sullivan Theater to watch its live taping.

  9. Based on YouTube's new demonetization standard with the recent Maza/Crowder dust up, when will this video with its homophobic comment also be impacted?

  10. “Sir, you attract more skinheads than free Rogaine,”… “You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign language gorilla that got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s c–k holster… seems like harassment of the President to me by Mr. Colbert, it's an attempt to humiliate and attack the personal character of Trump, hes not attacking policies of Trump hes attacking him as an individual. Youtube needs to remove this video for bullying/harassment, if crowders actions we're are considered harassment and bully so is this.

  11. Google/Youtube must demonetize this video for violations of harassment and abusive bulling, just like Crowder was demonetized for breaking YT terms for his satire comments… "The only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s c–k holster" this is vary clearly homophobic. Colbert himself states his remarks are to be taken as insults, which by definition means "a disrespectful or scornfully ABUSIVE remark or action" and since in his remarks, Colbert is implying the relationship between Trump and Putin isn't of a platonic nature but instead is a relationship founded on a gay, bi-sexual, romantic type of nature… and since neither Trump or Putin are truly gay men, Colbert's not just bullying and being offensive towards Trump but is actually casting hateful and abusive speech towards the personal sexual orientation of millions of people globally.

  12. Watch out Colbert, free speech on YouTube is no longer promoted. Unless it's targeted towards a conservative

  13. He doesn’t get that the bigger the tax return the more loopholes he’s trying to jump through 🙄

  14. In Stephen C s new life he’s got a pop belly and he’s sayin .. yeah we miss our old life .. shhhhiiiiit I don’t miss Obama at alll and can you imagine that nut Job Hilary as our president ..

  15. Him EXISTING in the first place is already a blight on humanity, do we really have to look at him too?!?! My God he is disgusting and repugnant…. his face is a fucking hate crime

  16. My happy starts" biggly" when he says" But I Sir, am no John Dickerson". . we are off to the races … about the racist in chief.I love that I can get the hourly new crazy of 45 with a touch of satire that keeps me from becoming numb like his play group.

  17. Yeah i bet you do love your previous life, cause noone ever called you out for being a "LYING SACK OF SHIT AND A COWARD!"

  18. He is great and he knows it. One thing I appreciate him for is he does represent the immigrants. Funny how Lincolns party become to this?

  19. trump…… ……. a professional globe trotting con.

    TULSI~ ~ a world class diplomate, commander of respect.
    BERNIE— will divi up the dollars TULSI brings home.

  20. This guy is the highlight of my days. You sir are spot on with every word. You are a genius with your monologue. Thankyou for helping this country get through the pain.

  21. stephen this is so insulting arthur curry would never be friends w trump he would literally drown him in a tidal wave

  22. tRump would blame Obama for the red light.
    But Joe Biden would stop at the red light and use that time to tell everyone he knows Obama.
    As I think about it…I have never heard Obama saying he knows Biden?!?!

  23. Just gave this one another watch (what feels like an eternity since its release) nearly 2 yrs later… Still on point, still hilarious, and total 🔥🔥! Thanks for keeping us sane LSSC.

  24. Trump can't see why people dislike him…this further illustrates his denseness&detachment from reality.😄😂

  25. You scumfucks can't go five mins without shitting on the President. That's why he will get re-elected. Just so the American people can stab a sharp stick into the eyes of the left wing lying slimeballs like Colbert, Meyers, and Jimmy Drivel.

  26. Love how he drops a lyrical deuce on trump! Wish we could only see trumps reaction to this. Priceless

  27. Concerning Respectful Comments why not Text your PRESIDENT AND IMFORM HIM OF THIS PROCESS PLUS THE DUTIES OF WHAT IT REALLY SHOULD BE AS A REPRESENTATIVE OF THIS USA.

  28. I agree with most of what he says, except for he saying that the president of USA is the leader of the free world, that is not true. There are many free countries and believe me, your president, no matter who he or she is, is NOT our leader, we have our own leaders.

  29. oh how the years have dragged by since this aired,who knew it was going to get weirder,more asinine and deadly under trumps dictatorship.at least you and your writers help keep us who care about our declining nation,sane. thank you .for laughter thru the lat one trillion days of bulltrumpshi..

  30. STILL RELEVANT two years later. But our world is in an even more desperate situation. How can we survive with our evil, disgusting, narcissistic, Fake Human, Fake Christian, Fake President still in office? One man is allowed to stir up such anger and hatred. Trump needs to be stopped. Someone please do something!

  31. With all that is happening in our country today I believe that it is important to remind people to stop looking and listening at the very unsettling state of affairs and look up. PRAY! Remember our all knowing , all loving , merciful God will move on our behalf if we provide prayer. Please PRAY.

  32. When trump said “I don’t stand by anything” it reminded me of a alexander Hamilton quote: “Those who stand for nothing fall for everything” and I’m pretty sure that sums up Donald quite well.

  33. He can't answer any questions because he doesn't know everyone else does the work. his desk is clean lmao. I'm peeing got to go.

  34. Watching this August 15, 2019.
    Dump deconstructing America in every way in progress.
    The only place I can think of perfect for him is a prison cell.
    Crimes against America.

  35. 0:06 I wonder Which Day it is now of Trump's Presidency, Either Way, Trump is a brain damaged orange creep!!!!

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