P: Hello, Dan and Phil Games hole-in-ones! *SWING* and unfortunately Dan couldn’t be here today, so it’s just me (rip) D: BOOM! PSYCH! P: Who would have thought you were (D: Punk’d) actually here! D: Got ya P: Such a good disguise D: Can’t see me cause I’m wearing this P: We’ve totally used that joke before D: And welcome back to the pitch every time, Phil, it works. Pitch? P: Is it a pitch? D: Golf pitch… (a wot?) BOTH: Golf- P: Golf course
D: Round (dan sweetie, golfs don’t round) P: The course
D: Welcome back to the *posh voice* cOuRsE P: Hopefully you’re dressed smartly, ’cause we only accept collared shirts [but Dan isn’t wearing a collared shirt] (is dan an exception to that rule?) D: These hats secrete weird crap all over our heads P: I’ve got so much green dandruff
D: BUT WE’RE BACK and we’re playing “Golf With Your Friends” P: Yeah, or, “Golf With Friends”, as we’ve been calling it. D: Or as we should call it, “Golf With Friend” D: Amirite (heh, heh)
P: Or “Golf With Your On-Only Friend” D: But you’re like (raspy voice) Give us more golf, Dan and Phil P: Yeah, it’s really popular with you guys D: What’s wrong with you?
P: Like what do you – P: What do you want?
D: We’re giving you what you want (thanks dads) (P: Yeah)
D: So I hope you’re ready *both spin balls in unison* (P: Yeah)
D: ‘Cause we’re about to (P: Take that) frickin’ do it P: Ooh, made myself dizzy D: First thing first, (you’re freakishly tall…) I need to customize my ball- D: Today’s something more interesting
P: ♪ Customise our balls ♪ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) D: Right, so its been very bright P: Yeah D: I’m going to make it something- D: Very subtle
P: Well that’s white D: NOo, no it’s not P: Yeah, it is D: Wait wait wait, there P: That is white (pastel phil is quaking) D: No, that’s a pearlescent slight pin- I-I’m going to call it unicorn mist P: Unicorn mist? P: Is that-
D: Wait, wait a minute, look at this D: HaTs? P: The absence of a unicorn (D: SKiNs?) D: Tra- FLoAtiEs? P: WoT?¿ D: We played this game too early-
P: I want a floatie D: I just fuckin’ pressed app- P: Ohh, you didn’t press apply D: W- I diD, it was-
P: It was the worst colour anyway [shots fired] P: I’m sorry, I take it back to the paint shop D: It’s unicorn mist P: I like the one that I’ve been left with, that bright pink one D: That’s hideous [#rude] P: That’s unicorn dreams☆ D: Alright, okay, onLinEe, hoStt, we’re callin’ it the meMeStAtiOn™ P: You typed that so fast
D: It’s pRivaTeE D: and the password (P: twO, two) is,, (P: DOG #danandphilgetadog)
D: DOGLOVE99 P: Dog love? D: CREATE P: Alright D: Good luck joining that Phil D: OKAY, so, we’ve done forest P: Yeah D: And we’ve done (P: oOf-) D: Oasis P: Oasis was a trial, that was not- that was not an easy one D: NexT is ~twilight~ P: If only it was twen-2011 and then we could’ve just put- P: Robert Pattinson in the- (team edward?)
D: We could’ve BOTH: in the thumbnail D: And got an extra hundred thousand views P: Oh well D: It was literally like there were only D: fans of them on the internet [sorry if this is wrong]
P: That’s the only thing D: It’s like, you’d go on Twitter and every single world wide trending topic would just be about Twilight P: It was always Twilight D: This was like, pre-One Direction P: Yeah D: There was nothing, it was jUst Twilight P: Kristen Stewart’s face (D: Tough times) P: Anyways, it looks quite moody you said it was like “Riverdale”-esque D: Yeah, it’s like we’re in the woodlands BUT WITH NEON LIGHTS (P: oOOh) # E D G Y D: Um, okay,
P: Let’s have a rave D: So, max shots per round, P: Eight? D: Eight. D: Let’s say,, P: Otherwise we’ll be here forever D: Time per round? Let’s not do that (P: No) D: Collision on, B A N T E R D: Last power on,
P: We hate the collision D: Good cheating D: And then we’re not going to do any of this P: Alright D: Weird shit P: Do you think golfers like, clash their clubs together at the start of a match? D: Let’s do it *GOLF CLUB CLASHING SOUNDS*
P: L E T ‘ S G O L F I T P: Go caddielad, fetch me a beer D: I hope you’re ready for the most sophisticated (P: OOH) series on YouTube D: OOH
D: Is that like, D: Spun- Oh, is that like fungal spores (P: Yeah,,) D: I was about to say it’s like, aesthetic sparkle P: Spungal Fores D: But now I think it’s just like mushroom gunk P: This is a bit elf-like isn’t it? D: It’s very magical, okay (P: Yeah), HOLE DETECTED D: Danny’s gonna go-
P: ♪ hOLe DeTecTeD ♪ D: For the- that was weak, oh shh- (P: aWw, weLL) crap P: Phil is gonna swoop in (D: Flop) D: Go on then P: With his masterful stroke [ahem] COME ON P: Oh no D: Absolutely missed the boat there (P: Too hard) D: Phil’s not gonna do what
P: Whacked it too hard he always does which is just let go of the mouse (P: No,) in terror P: I’m gonna give you beautiful camera work D: Right, the smallest doot [DOOT? WHERE] D: THAT WAS-
P: Speed work [I HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER THIS IS WHAT HE SAID HERE OR NOT ASDFHJGKG] D: THAT WAS WORKING, I’VE- I REJECT THIS P: Lads, watch this POOK D: Gender neutral lads [thank you Dan] D: Weak, Phil P: That was weak D: Like your conviction- D: OH SHIT D: Okay
P: Says you, m- P: Right, this isn’t a Dan vs. Phil OH, YE S T H R E E
*shoves it in dan’s face* *dan is shook* D: OkAy, wait wait wait *victory sound that might sound very inappropriate if taken out of context* P: Double bogey D: Okay, only winning by one, clam down P: I was saying this isn’t a Dan vs. Phil, but it’s just as competitive as Dan vs. Phil (D: Oh yeah,) (P: Yeah) D: I mean, this is for like, P: Yeah D: Who has to buy the pint- back at the- got the- private members’ club P: Already got the caddielad on that D: Alright P: Right P: What’s here?
D: Hole two P: Let’s just have a little look around so there’s little,, D: There’s a cabin P: There’s a cabin, WhAt is happening? Are the elves making drugs? Is that what’s floating through- P: the sky?
D: I think there’s- P: don’t do drugs
D: where everyone’s trippin’ P: Yeah, I might go first and I’m going to do about,, that muCh? COME ON * s c r e a m * P: THAT WAS SO CLOSE D: Your MacBook cannot handle this game (P: It can’t), which is like a 1995 graphics kind of thing- (P: It’s freaking out) D: Okay, coME ON x3, sHAT P: You get the smooth action from Dan and the jumpy action from me, right (the “what did he say” look), hEre we gO ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) P: That was bad D: Yeah, someone’s gonna take that with no video for YouTube,, poop [he is aware] D: OKay, uH, uP the hill, FUCK right, there we go P: Is this gonna be our course limit? P: nOO
D: This- this- D: We’re going to fail immediately okay, here we go, P: Wait is the-
D: Wait x9 D: ROMP OH FRICKETY FRACK (D: I’m-) P: Is there like,, D: wOT P: An underneath to this? D: Yes there is but I guess- P: OH, THERE’S A HOLE x3 D: NO WAYY, THAT CAN’T BE- *they’re shooketh* D: THE HOLE
P: ‘Cause it goes all the way down *some um’s* P: Change of pLaN x2 (D: okAy) D: OhmygoD P: ♪ Phil is changing all the plans ♪ *satisfactory yes* D: Wot is this,, come on, cOMe on, sHIT nOOo, okay, wait wait, i’ll do it this time x2 here we go, you ready? P: Come on, why am I saying come on,, *the sound again* D: oOOp, still only one ahead, or each,, D: two ahead
P: Round thREE P: Ohmygod, it’s the- it’s the loop alreadY? D: GO x3, okay, that wasn’t enough that was nOt enough P: I think we need full force D: Do it, full- full force D: full
P: fuLL? D: YES PHIL GO D: Ohmygod that was ama- (P: you needed it)
that was- shiT P: Yes come oN P: come on
D: sHerT P: tEase it
D: shOOT [me please] P: Go ‘roUNd D: Tease it? *the face when phil makes an innuendo* you make me so uncomfortable with your golf banter D: OkAy, here we go P: Miss D: MAXIMUM POWEERRRR (D: YeaH) P: That looked so fun I wish I could’ve been the golf ball in that moment D: I know right, here we go, wait x6 oOOoO, okAY what you doin’ over there m8 P: The dark side of the force
D: Fancy seeing you here P: Right, here we go hole in,, two yiSS D: okAy D: WeLL, wasn’t that a sophisticated round P: next ♪ round ♪ D: gO pHIL P: wOOP P: OH THAT WAS CLOSE D: Ohh, but a bit toO powerful P: It’s a bit mysterious over there P: I don’t know what’s going on
D: So if I do- D: this *my ears are in pain* D: COME ON MAN P: Ohmygod D: Ahh, that was so close P: Right, here we go this is iT x3 P: No it’s not P: OH YOU GOT IN THE WAY
D: aHA, BALL- D: CLASH.COM P: Don’t go to that website [i did] D: It ha- you gonna buy it again like cushion stack? P: Cushion stacK hEh [go to cushionstack.com] D: wOO, okAY cOME ON, COME O-AWW MAN that would’ve been beautiful P: ♪ come on x3, let this ball go iN ♪ ♪ go iNnn ♪ *frustrated noise* D: FloP right, here we go oH FOR FOOK’S SEEK P: This is the one D: Is it? P: Not the one D: Delet this pERFECT POWER COME ON sHHHHHACKLES P: The…. power Oh! Yes Yes! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) D: NOOOO Okay sss motherfluffer D: You nudged me there a bit P: (*Scottish/Northern for some reason*) I didn’t nudge anyone D: Ok P: Take me to court Er wha- D: AAAAA (hear him screm)(oh gosh my eardrums) Oh my god this is it guys I’ve lost this whole game (P: I’m PHILed with joy and elation) (geddit) D: What happens when we go up here? wHOAH OH MY GOD DELET ok right P: You’re gonna….. destroy the game again aren’t you? D: I thought I- shut up Right. If- NOOOOO P: See my ball just sat there like “Hee hee hee” D: Yeah, well I wanted to get one 8 stroke limit roll Just to prove how good I could be when I claw(?) bACK (P: ohhhhh) P: I should ask my ball to make a little jigsaw puzzle in there cause he’s got nothing to do D: PFFT Okay (P: Out of Strokes!) 18 to 23 D: I’m a whole max strokes behind now P: What is thIS?! D: That’s some like mystical Steven Universe tunnel shit happening right down there P: ♪ We are the confused balls ♪ D: ♪ We’re going in the hole ♪ P: I feel like the hole is bad. I think I wanna try to go around it D: No, the hole is definitely good P: No, there’s a- there’s a splat(?) there! D: That’s a jape it’s a jape Phil Don’t believe the hype- (P: oH) Oh my god I bet it’s a portal P: (OH OH) D: There you’re about to discover it Okay you go in- P: No, it’s not a portal D: It’s just- P: I’m just down a hole D: ALRIGHT (P: something inaudible) that’s a- that’s a good thing I didn’t believe yoUUuuu OH OH OH P: It’s the rim! Okay D: I’m happy with that Pacific Rim P: A SPECIFIC rim D: Don’t touch me- AH HA HAA Fallen down P: Down with the mushroom people D: shhhhhAT FUCK OKAY WAIT WAit wait wait wait I can do this BOTH: OOOOH D: How am I gonna get in that? P: I’m- I’m trying one more- (D: That is so hard!) one more around the edge D: C’mon Phil P: *shweu shweu* No D: Absolute floppy ding-dong P: C’mon please? Please please please? D: Get out. Kicked out of the club. P: Nice. D: Not cool enough you can’t show your face back at the bar P: On the edge of the rim. D: I bet I can jump over this time watch me OOH OH MY GOD BIT TOO MUCH X3 NOOOO I HAD SO MUCH GOING FOR ME P: Round 2 for Phil. Just be very gentle with that D: If you touch me I swear to god I’m in the (P: Oh I think I went too fast) I’m in the best place (P: NOOO) YESS Okay. Right so I just need a lil’ bit of power *poof* and.. oOH AHH OOOH OKAY PHIL I THINK I GOT IT (P: You don’t) D: I’ve got it now P: This is me x3 P: sHoOp P: This is gonna be slow and steady D: Wins the nothing, idiot BOTH: Alright D: Here we go D: OH, DOUBLE BOGEY P: I can do it (D: Alright), I can do it x2 D: You can do it Phil, I believe in you P: I’m just gonna do a little,, P: A little poke
D: Rotate round that D: Well that was a-
P: No, don’t go- D: OOHOOOHOO-
P: YES x4 D: Maximum power
P: And then,, D: You really need maximum (P: diNK) po- D: sHH- (P: Yess) okAY D: OkAy, slowly redeeming, Phil P: That was slowly redeeming it D: I’m catching you uP D: Hole siX, hope you’ve had your weEtabiX™ P: Hole siX D: That is so careful- D: Look at me
P: Look out- P: Look out for Phil’s tRiCkS D: And he’s going for it (P: wOOP x4) D:aNd (P: yUp), okaY D: OHMYGOD, I’m on a mission and I’m dead and I’m doomed and (P: oOf) what the hell is happening, okay P: Right, I’m gonna stick to this top area then, if you’re going to die here D: OOO, oKAy, I’m scared D: Right, where do I need to go,, P: You gotta go all the way down D: I need to go,, bounce,
P: So you might be in the right area D: Trounce P: wHAT D: Hel-HELLO
P: THAT HELPS YOU OUT D: HELLO LOOK WHO WENT THE RIGHT W- OH, okAy, oh pHil, D: Where even (P: Come on) are you? P: I’m up here Dan D: You’re literally right behind me P: Swooping in to kill you D: CraP, okay mMm, bogey P: If i get this one then, you have got to give me all your money D: ACHOO [sabotage] BOTH: OHHHHH D: No P: Don’t sneeze on me D: A C H O O [sabotage again smh this man] oOhHHh, double bogey, okay P: You’re noT playing those japes
D: I was trying to distract you “subtlety” P: You’re such a japester
D: Okay, fiVe D: CatChinG uP D: Using the power of gEOMETRY [for i have the power of triangles] *whatever sound dan is making here*
P: The power of,,, *♫*
D: ♪ back where I started, crap ♪ (D: Okay) P: That was almost happy birthday and then it turned into something else P: Okay (*♫*)
P: Here we go P: The power of.. failure [same] D: Okay, I’m going to do this now, are you ready for this jape? P: Yup D: DOOM DOOM DOOMM LEMME HEAR YOU SAY WAYO [wayO] D: Goal, goal D: Oh, look at that
P: That was good D: I’m- I’ve got it now Phil D: Catch up one by one
P: Shush D: Go to the right, you should be going right D: You need to be-
P: I am going right D: No, you’re facing the wrong w- P: ♪ Go go power rangers ♪ D: Oh, it seems you’re one behinD, Phil, am I slowly gonna catch up- (P: achOo [sneak attack])
D: To you one ball at a time D: pAr, for the kourinie [is that how you’re supposed to spell it idek] P: Aw, “par”thetic [good one, phil] P: Look at this D: Par for the,, norse [?] D: Bogey, lame. FouR P: I’m still four ahead guys D: Comin’ for ya x2 P: f o u r P: Look at these fingers
D: Don’t look behind you, Phi- P: Imagine if you lost four fingers D: Is that the- P: Is that where we’re going? P: That’s like..
D: I mean.. D: God is asking me to do (P: Mortal) this D: Are you ready? P: Yeap D: woAHHHH D: oOhh, D: Okay
P: Is it really that? D: I don’t knoW, D: Do you see any- D: Other hole?
P: That seems ridiculous P: I’m gonna try it full volume D: I juSt did it full bal- blast and it didn’t do anything so- (P: wOOP) oh phiL D: Come on, why would you- D: Right
P: I don’t knoW P: I’m just gonna go up the hill D: That’s not a hill is it? D: Or is it?
P: Yeah D: Can you go up that? WOO [ow my ears] D: OKAY
P: Oh, too much D: OOOH okAY (P: Okay), maximum power, Phil D: Absolute-
P: Watch this x2 P: sNiCk *gasp* oH, YES x3 D: No fucking way *disbelief* P: COME ON x2, D: OH MY GOD
P: I GOT EAGLE D: You bastard P: FEEL THAT, C A W C A W *bird noises* D: Felt P: Felt? BOTH: Birdie P: Yeah my eagle,, rips your birdie’s head off [damn, the violence]
*dan makes bird noises* D: *concerned* Violent nature, Jesus D: Hole ninE (P: Just strained), and I’m feeling fine P: Just strained my groin because I got too.. into it righT D: Stretch before you play golf guys D: Stretch before you play golf guys P: (You should) P: I’m just gonna..go for it D: (W-Wakie drizzle) D: (W-Wakie drizzle) P: Straight into the target D: (W-Wakie drizzle) P: Straight into the target D: Do it mate P: Whoop Whoop D: Oh, kinda…promising D: Oh, kinda…promising P: Kind of did something D: (Mmmkay mmkay) P: Sure… D: Alright I’m just gonna uh…go like over here D: And then I’m just gonna freakin’ jump over that P: I’m gonna go see what’s over here P:Wheeee D: Oh that’s what I’m doing too P: ( Ohh ohh) P: Am I out of bounds now? D: But slightly more powerful that you~ D: OOoooh D: OOOOOH P:Oh nO D: OOOH *High scrrech* P: OOH D: OOOOOH *Even higher* D: OOOOOH *Even higher* D: -Wait for it wait for it D: *You got it in ringtone* Di di di Ding D :Par D :*Claps once and starts happy humming* P: What this what this D: Go on then and watch him D: Go on then and watch him P: Taste this P: There you go P: That was good D: Oh Phil, it seems like you’re one behind Oh Phil, it seems like you’re one behind P: Shuush shuush! D: Oh noo P: I’m in! 😉 D: Oh noo P: I’m in! Double bogey D:MMmmh… D: 38 to 41 (P:Still ahead, still ahead.) D:*singsong* Narrowing… D: Ok, hole 10 (P:Your mum’s narrowing), like Ben. D: Let’s (Phil’s adorable giggle) Ben 10! Alright (P: Ohh, I didn’t get that.) D: zoom yes down the tunnel of death P:(You bet , t-that’s the end) D: That’s not the right way Phil go straight forward P:( I’m going the tu-) D: Over the tu- over the trunk over the trunk P: ( I’m being a gentle tunnel) D: Shhit P: (Gentle tunnel) D: Going first is such a disadvantage P: (Yes yes) D : Omg P: Lads D: (Wow) P: Me and my friends used to go down water slides and all stop in the middle until P: An angry man would just plow into us and be really annoyed D: Wow menacing society P: (Yeah) D: *Mocking voice* Haha nudge ya P:Wheep D: Mmkay P: That was fun P: Are we going over there, is that it think we got another colossal jump on our hands Dan D: okay well you do it Phil it has to be full it has to be full P: *Starts singing Rocky music* D: Fullest wack P: *Continues singing Rocky music* D: (Oh) P: That was rubbish D: N-Not enough Phil D: I’m not looking at your power bar or anything P: BAng D: OOh AHH- Omg art in motion D: Literally… P: (That was quite sexual) D: Literally call me Jesus P: But then watch this D: (Full wack full wack!) P: Watch this D: *Gasp* P: yeah yeah Yeah YEah YEAH NOO P: *Claps* D: You absolute- P: (That was amazing) D:-twat bucket D: RIght fine four FOur P: Okay…you first D: *Clicks tongue* D: This is te- P: What IS THIS P: Looks like we’re in a barrel of a gun D: OOOH P: Omg D: OKay P: This is crazy D:(OKay) D: I am immensely shooketh right now P: (Shooketh) D: Phil you’re next P: To the… P:…max, right D: What did the sign say P: I don’t know I didn’t read it D:(Look at the signs) P: Don’t do what I just did D: Following our own GeoGuesser advice here P: (Yeah) D: Mmkay P: Bam sham D:(Oh) P: Yep P:oh oh OH OH COme on D: nn- not quite P: Oh yes yes D: woT?? P: Yes D: (Wot wot) P: My pretty, you listen to me when I needed it D: mmmMMM we’re together P: this is a dodge angle so I’m gonna bounce off this D: yeah maximum velocity P: whoop whoop, come on, yes(x3) D: you’re so lucky today P: yes! *inhales, laughs* P: that was beautiful, they’ll play that in slow motion at my funeral. D: *chuckles* this is when Phil peaked P:yeah D:*laughs* P: it literally was D:*gasps* oh cOme oN at least get into the dipped bit for god sake okay P: that’s what she said P: right, my turn P: I just need a drink I need to calm my nerves D: stay hydrated Phil’s too into this guys P: spaaank nope yes? *laughs* nope D:interesting strat P:what is going on? P: my camera’s all over the shop P: oh, not bad, not bad D: Phil’s Mac’s like “please kill me”

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Dennis Veasley

100 thoughts on “THE TWILIGHT ZONE – Dan and Phil Play: Golf With Friends #3”

  1. "Hopefully you're dressed nicely"
    Me: in a dark room wearing a bright pink cat onesie wrapped in 4 duvets and a weighted blanket "oof."

  2. it is summer vacation so I decided to binge watch Dan and Phil videos at 3am. I literally have no life

  3. Dan in every other series: "fuck this shit what the cumfuckshitdick"

    Dan now:

    "lord help me jesus is my lord god I love you give me the strength to make this shot lord"

  4. If anyone’s wondering:

    Condor: -4
    Albatross: -3
    Eagle: -2
    Birdie: -1
    Par: 0
    Bogey: +1
    Double bogey: +2
    Triple bogey: +3

    Then after that you just say +4, +5, etc.

  5. I love how when Dan gets extremely pissed off he just transforms into a knockoff Jacksepticeye.

    “AhHhH fEr FOOKS SaEk!”

  6. 'hopefully you're dressed nicely' i'm in my pyjamas that aren't even pyjamas, they're old manky clothes that aren't fit for anything. they're barely even fit for pyjamas

  7. The English captions just disappear midway, is anyone able to fix that? I literally can’t understand what they’re saying

  8. It's been literally almost 2 years and I'm still slightly mad that Phil played so well in this course and still ended up losing because of the elves' drug mine

  9. Okay, i don't know if I'm being a crazy obsessed fangirl rn, but is the music playing in the background of the video the game music or (if I'm not mistaken) is it from the final fantasy soundtrack?

  10. That’s funny that there are only two captions options: English and Russian 😂
    Russian fandom is the strongest 💪

  11. 19:50

    Dan: where do you go then?
    Phil: just slowly up the roof I think
    D: “slowly up”
    D: I love going slowly up
    P: just slowly up the roof
    D: gravity loves things that go slowly up

    My all time favorite Dan and Phil quote 😂😂

  12. if michael scott watched any one of these golf with friends videos he would never stop saying "that's what she said"… just…constant filth from you two.

  13. 11:43 when Dan did the little squeak I subconsciously went “nweh” in response and only noticed after I did it… I THINK ITS SAFE TO SAY THTA DAN IS A MOMMA BIRD NOW

  14. Oh man I have a turtle neck not a collar ed shirt
    yawns because its 1:44am and is used to sleeping at 10:00 and wants to pass out but loves to torture self by watching videos to stay happy and sane

  15. Phil: ”Hopefully you’re dressed smartly”
    *looks down at my Harry Potter pajamas*
    Me: “…of course I am Philip”

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