-[excited chatter]
-[Ginger] I’m open! [crowd calling out encouragement] [Tom] All right, come on, Ginger! Come on! Woo! We haven’t won a Tiny League
basketball game in years, -but I think we’re gonna win this one.
-I don’t know, Tom. I’m no bucketball crackerjack, but I’m
pretty sure we’re still down by one point. But look! Ginger’s about to fire up
a game-winning shot! You got this! I can feel it! Yeah! -[disappointed groans]
-[klaxon] Aww! I felt that. The ball cheated! [yelling] It’s not fair! [cheering] No one talk about the game
in front of Ginger. We don’t wanna remind him
that his team would’ve won
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N if he hadn’t thrown the ball
like a doofus!
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N But, uh… [nervous laugh]
…enough about my other friend Ginger…
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N named Ginger.
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N Look, it’s our Ginger!
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N -[nervous laugh]
-Save it. I know I stink!
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N Ginger, don’t be so hard on yourself.
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N Your whole team stinks!
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N Ow! I know. And next week’s game will be even worse. We’re playing our rivals,
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N those jerk-faced jerks,
the Johnsonville Jesters.
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N Oh! I cannot stand those jerks!
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N They are just so… jerky!
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N The jerkiest! Beating them
is gonna take a miracle. Woo-hoo-hoo! Great news!
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N The grocery store is giving away
half-price coconuts!
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N -[Hank] Aw, man!
-Holy hook shot!
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N -Hank, that was incredible!
-[ding]
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N [gasps] You’re the miracle my team needs. You have to play for us! [Tom] Hold on, all right. I don’t think Hank can join
a third-grade basketball team. That can’t be allowed. He’s an adult. Actually, there’s no rule against it. According to Section L
of the student handbook, anyone can play on a third-grade team,
as long as they’re in the third grade. -Wait, what’s going on here?
-Please, Hank! [sobbing] Go back to third grade
so you can help us win a basketball game. We need this! Well, it’s been a while since
I’ve alley’ed an oop. Gone coast to coast. Crashed the boards
for some triple-doubles. That’s basketball for… yes. -[cheering]
-Woo! All right! [chatter] [giggling] [Hank] Yeah! Whoa! So that’s what it looks like
when it goes in the hole! Didn’t I tell ya? Hank is the best! Fantastic! Not only does our team
finally have a ringer, but now I don’t have to play! ♪ Laaaa! ♪ And so I said, “Johnsonville Jesters? You should call your team
the Johnsonville Jerks!” [laughter] -[door opens]
-Hank! Did I hear someone
calling someone a jerk out here? Sorry, sir. I was just talking about
Johnsonville. Oh, you mean Jerk-sonville? [chuckles] Star player! [laughs] Did you hear me? I asked what you’re left with if you subtract three from seven. I believe the answer is nothing.
Nothing but net! -Woo!
-[cheering] Right! Hank, you may be a hot-shot hoopster, but you’re about to flunk my class! Sorry, Ms. V. It’s just that I don’t
really care about that stuff. -I’m here to ball.
-Yes. I can see that
from the answers on your homework. Unfortunately for you, the school rules
say that if you fail a class, you can’t play on a sports team! So, study up, -or get out!
-[class gasps] There’s the guy who’s gonna lead us
to Tiny League victory. How was practice? -Did you learn any new moves?
-Ugh! No. -What’s this? A note from school?
-I don’t know. Probably the teachers want my autograph. It says that if you don’t pass
your next test, -you’re gonna fail out of school!
-Fine! Tell me something I don’t know!
Get off my case! Don’t talk to your friend like that! -[beeping]
-[game] He’s on a hot streak! No! Listen, buddy.
Third-grade tests are tough, but you can handle it. I know, because I made it
through third grade once. And so did you. Well, this isn’t once anymore, is it?
It’s twice! You don’t understand! Nobody understands! [Hank wails and grunts] Wait, wait, wait! What does passing
even have to do with basketball? Nothing! I’ll bet Ms. Vanthrax was just jealous
of our raw athletic talent. You know, if you want to be sure you pass, you could cheat. Zip it, Darren! Quit joking around. Oh, I’m not joking. I cheat all the time. Cheating wouldn’t be that hard. All you have to do is find a way
to the answer vault that Ms. Vanthrax keeps under her desk. You knock it off! Hank is the best guy I know.
He would never do something like that. Tell ’em, Hank! Hank? Hank! Can I ask you guys a question? I’m worried… about a friend of mine. A friend, huh? Is this “friend”
a little guy named Ginger? No! I said it’s a friend, Ben! Are you even listening? Ugh! It’s Hank. I think he might try stealing the answers
to a test. What? If he gets caught,
he’ll be kicked off the team. I’m gonna give that kid
a piece of my mind! It’s not his fault!
He’s falling in with a bad crowd. Are you sure about this, Ginger? Hank is upstairs studying right now. Why would he study if he was just
gonna steal… all the answers? Oh, no! -Hank!
-Hank! [both] Hank! Hank! Oh, no! Where did he go? [heavy breathing] Man, it’s hot in here. Whoa! The school is closed. Uh, uh, uh, uh… Are you telling me you have to go inside
and return that mascot costume to the gym? [helmet squeaks] Well, that’s fair. Hurry back. [cell phone rings] You’re in! Now, don’t lose your head. Get into Vanthrax’s vault,
get those answers, and get out! [heavy breathing] [Hank whimpers] Hmm. Something’s not right. These new athletic posters
have no place in a school. They encourage rambunctiousness! And there’s already far too much of that! Huh! Ohh! Phew! I’m in! But I don’t know about this.
I’m getting cold feet. That’s weird. The only way we win our big game
is if you play, and the only way you play
is if you cheat. So do it! I guess this is who I am now. No, it’s not. Hank, what are you doing? You’re not a cheater. You’re probably
the least cheaterist guy I know. Get outta here, you knuckle-heads! I have to do this.
Everyone’s counting on me! Hey, calm down, buddy. We understand what you’re going through. School can be overwhelming to some people. There’s just so much pressure! And I don’t wanna let everybody down!
[sobbing] Oh, Hank.
That’s why it’s okay to ask for help. So I’ll just grab the answers
this one time and never do it again. [all] No! Hank is right.
There’s too much pressure on us kids. Everything we can do to make it easier
is good, not bad. In fact… I say we steal copies
of all the test answers! -No, not that either!
-Ginger, no! Stop! -You don’t need to go down this dark path.
-Why not? It works for you, and you’re the coolest, awesomest, best
basketball-playingest guy in the school. I wanna be just like you. Just like me? -[cell phone rings]
-Did you do it? What’s taking so long?
Become a cheater already! You know what, Darren? I don’t have time
for this answer-stealing nonsense… because I have a test to study for! No-o-o-o! I knew you’d make the right decision! But is there still time
to make things right? Of course there is, with a good old-fashioned
last-minute all-night cram session! [inaudible] I’m afraid this isn’t the outcome
some of us were hoping for. I hope we can take this opportunity to
learn the consequences of our actions. [class groaning] Because apparently my tests
aren’t challenging enough. You passed, Hank. Just barely. You can play in the stupid hoop-ball game. [cheering] [all chanting] Hank! Hank! Hank! -Hank! Hank! Hank!
-Come on, guys! [crowd encourages him] -[yawns]
-[Ginger] Come on, Hank! Shoot! [horrified gasps] [crowd calls out encouragement] -[cheering]
-[Ginger] I did it! I did it, Hank! Get up! You have to see this! Hank, look at me! This is no time to sleep! Aww!

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Dennis Veasley

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