June 2019 will forever be remembered as breathtaking. Keanu Reeves said “we’re all breathtaking.” I never thought I was. But by golly by jingo I reckon Keanu is right. I am breathtaking, you’re breathtaking, we are all fair dinkum breath taking. Don’t fight it. Just acknowledge it. Even these two dickheads. Look at them. Breathtaking. Journalists are like “Donald, what are you doing in North Korea?” He’s says “weeeell, I was up in Japan and I texted Kim I’m in Japan where are you at?” Kimbo replied “sorry, new number, who dis?” I said “it’s fucken, Don. From America, mate. You wanna do something this weekend? So yeah nah yeah we’re gonna hit up the underground night clubs. I’ll get a hooker to give me a golden shower. Kimbo reckons they do the best golden showers here.” Bloody lads weekend. Sorry I mocked politics, here’s a wholesome family video to take ya mind off it. It is hands down the most wholesome video in the world. Whatever was previously the most wholesome video, is no longer as wholesome as this. I dunno if this qualifies as wholesome, but here’s two blokes who have discovered their belly buttons can make music. It looks like they’re having a fucken great jam session. It’s the same energy Led Zeppelin had in the early days, you can see the chemistry. Usually I do an award for Legend of the Month, this time I’m doing an award for Most Screwed Person of the Month. The winner is this 74-year-old sheila getting rescued, if you can call it that. I’d be like “you know what, forget I rung ya. I’ve got a burst of second wind. If you put me down I think I can make it off this mountain alone. I just recalled some shit Bear Grylls taught me on his TV show. I’ll be fine. Put me down please. No don’t fly off. Cut the rope. Someone cut it. Here’s an absolute golden reaction to Apple wanting to charge a thousand bucks for a pole. – “And the Pro Stand. $999” Crowd: 🤯 Look at London, drenched in sunshine, the Tower Bridge is pumping, dickheads are out having picnics. Oh hello, this one guy is bloody getting a tan. He doesn’t wanna be on the ground with the common folk. He wants to be left alone in his budgie smugglers. Fair enough ya wanker. Meanwhile, in Australia, it is winter but we still get sunshine, and we also get hovercrafts. Have a look at this legend. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it Superman? Nah, none of that crap. It’s a deadest ridgy didge fully operational hovercraft. Bloody put that in Joe Rogan’s pipe and smoke it Elon Musk. Imagine rocking up to the yacht club and parking this beast near the jetty. Karma was finally served to Boston Dynamics. No longer will robots be abused by technicians. June 2019 will forever be remembered as a revolutionary month where technology kicked us in the balls. Crikey, that is terrifying. Nah good work by the channel Corridor Digital. This one is a classic. Justin Bieber wants to do a mixed martial arts fight with Tommo Cruise, congratulations to this dog for carrying all those fucken tennis balls, and here’s a time lapse video of 2 million protesters in Hong Kong. It’s been a busy month on Earth. “You’re breathtaking. You’re all breathtaking.” Oh yeah the cricket world cup has been happening too. I don’t wanna show any footage from it because any footage to do with world cups, whether it’s soccer or basketball or cricket, gets blocked copyright striked and you end up in destination fucked. I don’t want that fight. Anyway, go Australia! I don’t think we’ve cheated yet, have we? I don’t think so.

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Dennis Veasley

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