– Do you interact with people a lot? – Every day. – Do you have crying people at work? – Sometimes people cry. – That could be hair salon
receptionist, though, because I’ve cried at the
hair salon before too. (playful music) – [Crewwoman] Hello. – Hello! – [Crewman] What’s your name?
– Lauren. – Dae.
– I’m Curtis. – [Crewman] What do you do for a living? – I bartend right now.
– I am a YouTuber. – I’m a YouTuber. That means I make YouTube
videos and get paid for it. (whooping) – [Crewman] So today you’re gonna play match job to person.
– Great. – I feel like I’m gonna
be really bad at this. – [Crewman] Will you just
kinda go through those and read those jobs out loud? – Scientist, hair salon receptionist, teacher.
– A dean of students. It’s gonna be a woman
with a stick up her ass, like, just very bitchy. – Stimulated patient. Oh, simulated patient. That’s very different. – I feel terrible
guessing an exterminator. – [Crewman] Why? – Because then you’d be like oh, you look like an exterminator? – Oh, teacher vibes, right off
the bat, right off the bat! (laughter) – This guy comes into my bar all the time. (laughter)
I know you. I have no idea what you do. Hello.
– Hi. – What’s your name? – Abby.
– Abby, nice to meet you. (playful music) (laughter) – What was that? What’d you just do? – I just looked, because
I was about to say she’s, like, something sad, but there are a lot of sad looking people in this. (laughter) – Do you like children?
– I like my kids. I don’t like all children. – Sounds like a teacher. – Do you have a lot of free time, like you like do fun things? – Yeah, I really like to read.
(laughter) – Ew! That is a teacher.
(laughter) – Hi.
– Corky. – Corky?
– Yeah. – Oh, great name.
– Thanks. – [Lauren] I mean, you
seem, like, super warm, friendly, do you have family or kids? – Not that I know. – Not that you know of, okay!
(laughter) – Are you high?
– What? (laughter)
Why would you say that? – Well, you look like the teacher that would like confiscate
your students’ weed but like smoke it after school. (laughter) – I don’t know if it’s a
longshoreman or a longshoreman. Do you know what they do? – Uh, they deal with boats, containers. You know, the container
ships that come in? – Yeah, that looks like you, for sure. I’m confident on that. – I’m gonna go exterminator. You seem like you could kill a good bug forcefully without any fear. – Thank you. – You’re welcome. – You’re the best.
– Go tug those boats. – Hello.
– Hello. – I’m Dae.
– I’m Nora. – Oh my gosh, you give
me like teacher vibes. I kinda feel like I’m in trouble. (laughter) Feel like I didn’t
do my homework or something. – Do you like kids? – I have a kid. – Okay, do you like–
– I like him. – You like him. Are you
pretty strict with him, on like what he can and can’t do? – A little bit. He’s a rule
follower, so it’s helpful. – Because you enforce rules. – We manage expectations. – That’s a dean.
(laughter) That’s a dean for sure. – You seem like you’re hiding something. You’re putting up a wall
right now, you know? – I know where the bodies are buried. (nervous laughter) – Well, funeral director it is. (laughter) – Hello.
– Hello. – How are you?
– Good, how are you doing? – I’m good.
– Nice handshake. What were you like growing up? – Troublemaker. – Not the like school type? – I was smart. I just didn’t–
– Didn’t apply yourself, okay. (laughter) – I’m gonna say teacher. – Why do you think I’m a teacher? – Okay, because I feel like I’m
being tricked in this video. – How many teachers do you
know that have tattoos? – That’s exactly why I’m guessing. I’m gonna say teacher. – Do you work a 9-5?
– Most days. – How much vacation do you get? – A lot. Vacation is why I have the job. – Okay, we’re going teacher,
we’re going teacher. – Thank you.
– Thanks, teach. – Hi.
– Hello. I’m seeing cute shoes, great hair. – Thank you. – Do you interact with people a lot? – Every day. – Do you have crying people at work? – Sometimes people cry. – That could be hair
salon receptionist though, because I’ve cried at the
hair salon before too. (laughter)
Gimme a hug. Like, a comforting. Ooh, that was solid!
(laughter) That was a solid hug! – I think that I’m looking
at hair salon receptionist. Pretty girl, has a nice smile. People like wanna look at you. – On the phone?
– Yeah, but like, you’re the first person
someone sees when they walk in. – Yeah. – Hello.
– Hello. – You have good hair too! You could be like a musical
roadie or something. – I am a roadie! – No way, part time? – Occasionally, yeah. – Occasional, really? That’s not on the list, but
I should get that point. (laughter)
– Yes. – I’m gonna go with
scientist right off the bat. I see you all the time and I know there’s a lot of labs
around my restaurant. – Thank you, do the honors for me. – Perfect. – Thank you, my friend.
– You’re welcome. – Hello. – I’m Joe.
– Yo. You like kids?
– Yeah. – Pretend I’m a kid. Pretend I’m your kid. I don’t wanna get off my iPad. Discipline me. – Dae, I need the iPad right now. – Fuck you. – Well.
(laughter) You can just give me the iPad right now, and then you can have it again later next time you want it, or
if I have to take it away, then you’re not gonna get
to use it for like a week. – Ooh. Here.
– Thanks. – You’re a dean of students.
– [Joe] Why do you think that? – That was very, uh, dean like. Bam.
(laughter) – You must be the scientist. – Why? – I don’t have any more options. (laughter) – You like, broke your foot or something. – I dropped a piano on it. – You dropped a piano? – Well, my brother dropped a piano on it. – He sucks. Do you know what a simulated patient is? – It’s, like, a patient who’s not real. – Oh my god, you’re faking a broken foot to go get drugs.
– For the Vicodin. (gasping)
– Bitch! I just crushed it.
(laughter) Did I get it at the end? (laughter)
You guys! – [Crewman] How many do
you think you got right? – Four.
– I think I got them all right. Why would I guess something
I think is not right? – [Crewman] With a show of hands, who did Dae get correct? – Boom!
(scattered giggling) Whoa!
(laughter) I never got zero before. (laughter) – Oh no! – Yes, yes! Oh wait, that means I got
someone else right, no? (laughter)
– No. – Damn! – Yes!
(giggling) Cool. – [Crewman] Change to the
right placards, please. (indistinct murmuring) – Oh my god. Oh my god!
(laughter) What?! – What grade do you teach? – Um, high schoolers. – Cute. Oh dang, you have all
the 14 year old girls after that nose ring. – Not my target demographic.
(laughter) – That’s good. (playful music) – I still don’t fully
know what that means. (laughter) – So I pretend to be sick
for medical students, so that they can practice
their bedside manner. – Oh!
(giggling) – Do you get to like
pick a random illness? – No, I’m trained on specific ones. – Like what? – Late term labor, UTIs. – Are you an actor then? For like, do like–
– Yeah. Ready, okay. Um, so I have to pee
like every 20 minutes. It’s like really annoying.
– You’ve got a UTI? – Yeah, ding, ding, ding. (laughter)
(clapping) You should be a doctor! – Can you explain to me
what a longshoreman is? Or is it longshoreman? – It’s longs. Now you got me saying it.
– See? – Longshoreman. Container ships come in, take
them off, put them back on. Let them go.
– [Dae] Nice. What do people ship the most? – It could be random
goods, for like Target or, uh, cars. – How much do you make, can I ask? Ooh, he makes money. Like, could you be a sugar daddy? – I could.
(laughter) – We like that. That’s fun. – Yo, you’re so funeral director-y. (laughter) What I gave you originally was the dean. I feel like those are two
kind of like similar things, like if you can console crying people, you can console children as well. – Yeah. – What was the biggest surprise
that you had from your job? – Sometimes it’s surprising how
much relief I see in people. They’ve been with their loved one through a long illness,
they’re relieved it’s over. – Are you a hair salon receptionist? Do they do your hair? Do they wash your hair? Do you get free washes?
– All the time. But were you surprised?
– Hell no! I mean, look at your hair, it’s beautiful. – Yeah, I definitely like
gender stereotyped this one. I apologize for that.
– Don’t apologize, it’s cool. – You have pretty hair.
– I like the job because it allows me to
take off a lot of time and travel whenever I want. – So you’re really cute
for not a cute job. Do you like have the heebie
jeebies over stuff like this? – Not really. Most of our kills are fresh
kills, so it’s not that gross. You just dog poop bag style. – Yeah, no, that’s gross.
(laughter) – When it’s really gross is when they’ve been sitting for a bit, and
they’re maggot-y and smelly. But you get the grabber pull.
– No no, you don’t. – So you can grabber pull it.
– No. (laughter)
– Into– That was surprising.
– Ew, ick. Nice to meet you.
(laughter) – Are you surprised?
– That you’re a scientist? – Yes.
– Honestly, I thought you could be anything. You could be a scientist, Jesus. I’m not surprised.
– What kind of scientist? – I try to cure people
who have genetic problems, so I use viruses to
deliver genes to cure them. – Wow. – Hey.
– Hot teacher, what’s up? (laughter) English.
– No. – [Lauren] Math.
– No. – [Lauren] Art.
– No. – [Lauren] Music.
– No. – Gym.
– No. – What else is left?
(laughter) Science! Are your students gonna watch this? Yo, they’re gonna be so stoked about this! – Yeah.
(laughter) – How old do you teach? – Freshmen and sophomores mostly. – Do you like them? – Yeah, they’re cool.
– You like do not like them. – No, it’s endless entertainment. I actually really do
like working with them. – Do your students like you? – Some of them do, and some
of them probably think, well, actually, I know for a fact some of them think I talk too much. – You’re literally a teacher. Isn’t that like the job?
(laughter) Stupid. – I don’t remember what
job I guessed you with. Scientist?
– Scientist, because it was the only one left. – Oh.
(laughter) I mean, it’s like in the–
– Not at all. (laughter) – Do you still love me?
– No. (laughter) – Alright, dean of students. That to me, screams like, (whispers)
bitch. – I don’t think any of my students would describe me as a bitch. – So are you like his boss? – I would work with him if
he could get kids’ iPads. – What’s the most discipline
you had to give a kid? – I’ve expelled students before. We had a kid this year steal
a car from a neighborhood, and then like drive it
around the parking lot. – What happened with the
kid who stole the car? – I mean, he went to juvie.
(laughter) – I’m learning so much. – So I did really bad. I thought that was so easy,
I thought I crushed it. – Raise your hand if I insulted you? Mister D is like slowly–
(laughter) – [Crewman] Who would you
most like to apprentice under? – I would love to sit in your class and see all the girls be like (squealing indistinctly)
(laughter) – [Crewman] What’s the job you’d most like to apprentice under? – Maybe like a dean of students. I do not think I would be good. – No, I don’t.
(laughter) I don’t think you’d enforce rules! – Uh-huh! – I feel like you’d probably get along with the students really well, and then be kind of lax with them. – Yeah, really, fuck it up!
– You’d be like– (applause)