– I want to ask you if you’re
watching a show that I have been obsessed with.
It’s called “Child Genius.” Have you watched this,
on Lifetime? Anybody, yes?
[cheers and applause] Oh…
And if you haven’t, find a way to start watching
from the beginning. It’s a competition,
and it’s about–get this– child geniuses.
[laughter] Kids–they’re amazing,
and watching them makes me feel both dumb and
stupid at the same time. [laughter]
They all have IQs above 150. I don’t even know what
an IQ stands for, I don’t– [laughter] I know “DQ” is Dairy Queen,
I know that. [laughter] I don’t know, they’re like
12 years old, most of them. That’s the average age. One of them is already taking
college classes. I’m 57, I still haven’t started
taking college classes. They are smart in every area.
They have– They quiz them–every week
is something different. Math, geography, memorization. One episode, they shuffled
a deck of cards, and the kids have to memorize
the order of every single card
in the deck. And they do it.
They remember 52 cards. Unbelievable–if I walk from
the living room to the kitchen for a pair of scissors, I forget
what I was doing in there. I’ve been telling everyone
on my staff to watch this show, and Andy, have you seen it yet?
Have you watched? – Uh, no, I’ve recorded it.
I have not watched it. – All right, well,
that’s the important thing. I told you four weeks ago to
watch and you’ve recorded it, [laughter]
so that’s good. All right, uh… Here’s–here’s–
Come here, Andy. I’m gonna punish you, come here. [laughter] [cheers and applause] We’re going to have a little
competition, and we’re gonna– [audience exclaims “oh!”] We’re gonna play a game… Look, there’s two podiums. Who do you think you’re going to
play against? – Some sort of child genius.
– Yep, you are gonna play against one of the child
geniuses on the show. Ryan!
Come on out here, Ryan. [lively pop music plays]
[cheers and applause] – Hi, Ryan.
– Hi. – How are you? – Ryan, hi.
– Hi. – Hi, I’m a big fan. I know who you are,
’cause I watch the show. You’re how old?
– I’m 12 years old… – You’re 12.
– and I’m in 7th grade. – You’re in 7th grade,
and what is your IQ? – Um, well. My parents,
they told my brother and I that one of our IQs is 153,
and the other is 156, but they won’t exactly tell us
whose is whose, because otherwise, we’ll fight
over who’s smarter, so… – Right.
And what are the– Obviously, there’s a lot
of benefits, but other than the obvious, what is the benefit of being
really, really smart? – Oh, well,
one thing that I really like is that I can prove
my parents wrong. [laughter] – They must love that.
[laughter] both: Yeah. – What is your IQ, Andy?
– [laughs] – I have not had it tested.
– No? – No.
– All right. I just want to show everybody. This is one of–
this is a math equation that Ryan was doing on the show. – Ryan, what is
39,553 + 2,302? – 41,855. – Correct.
39 x 7? – 273.
– Correct. 203 divided by 7. – 29.
– Correct, pen down. Calculate 14 x 2 – 11, and finally, multiply by 2. – 34.
– Correct. [cheers and applause] – Impressive. [cheers and applause] All right.
Here’s–Ryan, watch this. This is a clip of Andy
trying to walk. [laughter] announcer: Here she is now, Ellen DeGeneres! [laughter] – All right, so… – Not nice.
– Here we go. – All right, let’s go.
– [laughs] All right,
you’ve got a pad and pen, you might not need that. Okay, ready?
– Yeah. – Buzz in when you know
the answer. What’s 7 x 7? – 49.
– That is right! – Wow.
[cheers and applause] All right.
This Friday is Friday the 13th. How do you spell… (sounding it out)
Tricks..a..phobia? (saying it wrong)
Tricksadeckaphobia? – That is right!
– That’s right. [cheers and applause]
That’s right. Good job! You had that. All right, here we go.
Math equation. – Okay.
– Ready? – Yep. – 412. [“wrong” buzzer noise] [laughter] – Yes. – 316
– Yes. [cheers and applause] – He didn’t even do anything!
– Right. – He just said that,
that’s right. All right.
Good guess, though, Andy. – Okay.
– All right, if 3 to the power of x times 9
equals 81, what is the value of x? – 2.
– That’s right. [applause]
– Yep. [applause] – Andy, I’m going to ask
you something that’s more in your world–
You’re a big fan of the Los Angeles Kings,
right? – I am.
– All right, what is the Chinese word for “king?” [laughter] – Wáng? – Wa–Wáng? He should know, wáng. [laughter]
[“correct” bell dings] [applause] How do you spell that, Andy?
– I don’t know, but… I got the first one.
– Okay. [laughter] – Everyone knows that pi
is the ratio of a circle’s circumference to
its diameter, but what are the first 10 digits
of pi? 3.141592653589793– – Okay, yeah, got it. [laughter] [applause] – The score is 5 to 1.
– Yes. I have 17 Emmys.
– Andy? – Yeah, go ahead.
– I really want you to have a point here, okay? Don’t ring in. Name 10 types of pie. – Apple, pumpkin, blueberry,
cherry, rhubarb, pineapple, mincemeat… – Pineapple pie?
– Uh… – Plum, key lime and
banana cream and raspberry. – All right.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] – Two.
– Pineapple? – Two–uh, yes.
– I have never had a pineapple pie in my life.
– Nor have I. Nor have I. Here we go:
if a woodchuck could chuck 60 pounds of wood in 1.5 days, how many pounds of wood would
a woodchuck chuck in 6 days? – [stammers] [laughter] 600. [“wrong” buzzer] – 240.
– That’s right. – Okay.
[applause] Fair enough.
– All right. – All right.
– Name– Name three Kardashians and
Jenners don’t count. Kim, Khloe, and Kendall. – (laughing)
That’s right. Ah…
– Oh, oh… – Do you know who
the Kardashians are? – Yeah.
– Okay. The sum of three consecutive
prime numbers is 173. What is the largest
of these numbers? [buzzes in] – 61?
– That is right. – I don’t know what that means.
– I don’t either. – [laughs] – All right.
– Good for you. The score is 7 to 3
and I don’t even know how you got 3 on there,
but anyway… You were the winner,
Congratulations, Ryan. For winning, you’re getting
a 55″ TCR Roku TV, and a $1,000–
[loud cheers and applause] and a $1,000 Game Stop
game card. – What do I get? – You get nothing!
– What do I get? “Child Geniuses,” Tuesday nights
at 10:00 on Lifetime. And now, we all dance.
Give that back to him!

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Dennis Veasley

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