Unh! (man)
Bridget Everett is just three
points away from winning her fourth Grand Slam. (man)
Remarkably, she has not allowed
Schumerenka a single game in this match and yet,
I can’t take my eyes off of Schumerenka’s unique
style on the court. Ah!
(man)
I agree, Patrick. Schumerenka has
a charisma on the court that just pulls
you in. Unh!
(man)
Out.
I think one reason why
Schumerenka’s having such a difficult time in this
match is the distraction factor of
Everett’s grunting. (Patrick)
Oh, God, it’s disgusting,
they should really ban it. Whoo! Ah! Unh.(man)
Out.
(man)
Heaving and sweating
like a Clydesdale, Everett makes the shot. Let’s take a look at
the instant replay. Unh. (Patrick)
So amazing. I think the most incredible part
of Schumerenka’s game is how she manages to be so thin and yet,
still have such large breasts. (man)
Absolutely, it’s just
such a turn-on to see tennis played with
this level of integrity. Amy’s friends and family
obviously agree. Schumerenka’s sponsor
is Herpsky premium vodka. (Patrick)
As usual, Everett’s friend
and old math teacher is there to
cheer her on. Got her a nice seat in her VIP
box, sponsored by ground beef. (man)
Is what she’s doing
technically cheering her on? It looks like she’s just
eating snacks from home. Schumerenka seems to be trying
to take a moment to refocus. (Patrick)
This is one of those key moments
where she definitely needs to take her time
and not rush. Yeah, don’t rush that.
(man)
Whoo. (Patrick)
Bridget doesn’t seem to like the
delay in the game and as usual, she has to try to control her
infamous attitude problem. It’s unattractive and also
she’s (bleep) blocking. Unh! Unh! Uh! (man)
No good, it’s over. Yes! Yes! Well, Everett wins the
East Coast International for the fourth time
in straight sets. Hope she’s happy. Let’s go courtside for
the awards ceremony. Bridget, you won. Here’s your cup and
a million dollars. Thanks, Katrina. Really fought hard
out there–
Amy, you lost. But you were so gorgeous
throughout the entire match that it’s almost
like you won. Does that make sense?
What’s your secret? Um. I love this country. Freedom. Amy, I’m being told
the crowd has chipped in. You will now be walking
away with $2 million! (Amy)
America! I love you…
thank you! Oh, thank you,
my country! Oh thank you America! Ah! I won, I won. Amy! Amy! Amy! America! America! These are for you,
take them. I don’t need
them anymore. I love you, America. Take them. (Patrick)
Amy Schumerenka,
a true champion. (man)
Great for tennis.

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Dennis Veasley

73 thoughts on “Inside Amy Schumer – Schumerenka vs. Everett”

  1. This is classic. Amy Schumer gets a bad wrap, but she is talented, extremely attractive. Who else could have performed this skit?

  2. Not one logical thinking guy would go inside amy vulgarityshumer, but she can come to Europe tho, lots of immigrants here who go on children and farm animals. Pretty much her kind of ppl who laugh at her "jokes" i geus

  3. When we start to hear the sports commentators make repeated remarks about male players' looks as much as they do about their skills, whether good or bad, then we'll have arrived at gender equality.

  4. PEOPLE. It was a combination of Azarenka, Sharapova, AND Kournikova. It incorporated Vika's accent, name, and wailing (it sounded most specifically like Vika's grunt not Sharapova) also Sharapova has been derided for her grunting for the entirety of her career so I don't know where she got the idea that only aggressive, muscular players like Serena or Schiavone got called out for it.

    The only Sharapova reference was the fact that Serena has beaten (quite dominantly on several occasions) Maria several times yet Sharapova has more endorsement money. The attractive body comments were a mixture of Azarenka, Sharapova, and most famously Anna Kournikova (the original over-hyped tennis beauty queen. Funny skit but I hate when people try to break it down into specifics. It was an amalgamation of all of them and then exaggerated for humor.

  5. It's not a Sharapova impression, definitely Anna Kournikova ๐Ÿ˜‚ Maria is actually a good tennis player

  6. This is soo sexist.
    And also when have you seen tennis commentators talk like this ???
    Sharapova has 4 slams.
    You like it cause you want it to be right.
    Also, attractive sportspeople always have it easier , irrespective of gender or sport.
    This is gender baiting.

  7. That last part where Everett keeps saying, "I won. I won!" Reminds me of Serena Williams' temper tantrums that took the spotlight away from the legitimate winner, Naomi Osaka.

  8. Lifeโ€™s easy when youโ€™re gorgeous….Seinfeldโ€™s famous quote is have you ever seen a beautiful homeless person? Lol ๐Ÿ˜

  9. I think women's tennis these days is targeted at men and women too weak to jerk off to something a little bit stronger like Olympic gymnastics. Maybe they are all going through puberty much later than is normal.

  10. ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜œ No matter what people say, Schumer is hilarious.

  11. Confused hand raise๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ
    ๐Ÿ™Ž๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธHer infamous attitude problem

  12. I just clicked here to give Amy Schumer a thumbs down cause she rips off funny comedians. Fuck her. But not literally, cause that would be beastiality

  13. I'm confused about the purpose of this satire comedy bit Amy Schuner looks just as bad and heavy as the other women she is competing against and isn't this very hateful to the other actress

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