♩♫♩♫♪ Hello, friends, and welcome to another video. This week we’re gonna be taking on another questionable clothing item: Platform Crocs. Yes, I said platform, and, yes, I said Crocs. I said a-platform Crocs. We were first made aware of this item in October of last year when Balenciaga sent them down the runway for their spring and summer 2018 collection, and, needless to say, many a headline writer was shook. “Balenciaga is trolling us all with these 10-inch platform Crocs.” “These platform Crocs from Balenciaga will tear your feelings apart.” “Let’s stop pretending Balenciaga’s meme bait is cool.” Regardless of how you feel about Crocs, I don’t think anyone foresaw them in an $850 platform version sashaying down a runway– but it happened. Now, at first they weren’t available, because they were supposed to come out in spring of this year, and then when they came out for pre-order, they sold out almost instantaneously. But after months of waiting, they’re finally here. And it’s time to try them on and see if they are ridiculous, or fashionable, or my guess, ridiculously fashionable. All right! Let’s bring them out! Oh, wow, they’re a lot heavier than I thought they would be. Oh my god! I’m so confused. All right, so it looks like I’ve got a letter. This is my receipt. Don’t want to look at that.
(Tyler: No.) And here are the Crocs! Ta-daaaa! (Tyler: Oh, my god, they’re tall.)
Safiya: Actually they’re sort of smaller than I would have thought. Online these seemed, like, very, very, very large, but this seems like a sort of classic spice-girl-level platform. So these are definitely heavier than, like, normal Crocs, which are quite light. There are a lot of cute little charms on here, what are they called? Widgets? (Tyler: Jibbitz.) Safiya: Jibbitz. It looks like they’re kind of going for, like, a jet-setter-like passport theme. We’ve got, like, Paris, Berlin … and then on this other shoe we’ve got a peace sign, a pug, and an avocado. They definitely, like, make a statement. They look like a piece of bubble gum has not been stuck to your shoe, but has eaten your shoe. They seem sort of difficult to style or to, like, wear things with, so this week will be an interesting challenge. (Tyler: Oh, my god.) Did I make you phlegm a little bit? Oh, wow. Yes! I am very tall in these and in fact, like, I think that if these were any taller I would die, so I don’t know what I was thinking. My first impressions on how easy these things are to wear is that, uh, they’re not. They feel comfortable on my feet but when I pick up my foot to try and walk, I feel like bride of Frankenstein. I’m just worried about falling off of them like “Timberrrrr!” And that’s how Regina George died. That would be how I die. Well, I think we should begin our journey. We should walk at least a mile cumulatively over the next week in these shoes. That’s not that far. So on day one, I wanted to style my platform Crocs the same way that Balenciaga styled them on the runway, so I wore, like, a black maxi dress with a white long-sleeved shirt underneath, plain makeup, and large earrings. (Tyler: Any fashionableness that you might have immediately is lost as you try to walk.) Now, I’m not gonna speak for Balenciaga, and heaven knows they wouldn’t want me to, but I kind of felt like a kid playing dress-up in this outfit. My sleeves are long, my dress is long, my shoes are giant; you know, like, when you have your mom’s high heels on you’re like … Almost like an Angelica from Rugrats moment, which I feel like sort of capitalizes on the youthful feel of Crocs. Isn’t fashion obsessed with youth? Why not go for that six-year-old chic? (Tyler: Is that your runway walk?) So I decided that I should take the Crocs home to the Balenciaga store in Beverly Hills. If I’m not fancy now, I never will be. (Tyler: Do you think that the store calls to them like the ocean calls Moana?) A place that I had never been before, but these shoes certainly had. I will say that the Crocs were not the only strange thing inside of that Balenciaga store. Despite the price tag of these shoes, I’m not sure that I really fit in with the whole beverly hills vibe. It’s different than wearing like an $800 stiletto shoe, it’s like this is an $800 Croc clog. So I was questionably fancy, but unquestionably unstable. I had to lean on Tyler for support … (Tyler: I’m a glorified cane right now.) … and I barely made it over a speed bump in the parking lot. So on day two, I wanted to attempt to wear the crocs with an outfit that I would normally wear I feel like in general, Crocs are usually like a I’ll-just-grab-my-crocs type of shoe– going out the door to an outdoor activity, grocery shopping– this is my on-the-go stance. (Tyler: That’s on the go.) I think that my stability while walking was slowly improving. (Tyler: Not winning any speed awards here.) I discovered that you can kind of, like, walk around on the tips of the crocs and that is somehow more stable. It’s like a pointe shoe in ballet. I feel more agile. Watch out! I’m gonna get there eventually! Though I wouldn’t say I was trying to blend in, I would say my outfit was more on the muted side, but I think the Crocs were just upstaging everything else that was going on. So I don’t think that this, like, casual look really works. You kind of have to, like, bring it up here to really match what’s going on down there. They were large and in charge. And, being in charge, they decided to take me to the Crocs store to show themselves off to the other Crocs. I think inside of the store, they really did assert their dominance … … but the styling of them most closely resembles the tiniest of crocs that are marketed to toddlers. At the end of the day, I’m not sure who really bested who, because I did leave the store having bought many items. (Tyler: Jibbitz!) So for my third outfit, I tried something a little different. Yesterday’s outfit was, like, a little bit plain on top, so I decided to try and up the ante a little bit on the upper body. I went for more of, like, a raver look. Though I’m not sure you would really want to wear this to a rave or, if you did, you might want to be stationary, because any sort of, like, hopping or dancing might cause you to topple. I think one thing I underestimated about this outfit was how high and exposed my booty would be, or, like, close to being exposed. I think that in some ways this outfit was more balanced, like, it felt less like the shoes were in charge, but I think that I was more eye-catching in general, so more people kind of, like, did a double-take and then looked down and were, like, “Oh, those.” I’m a rebel! (Tyler: Not the best outfit for jaywalking in.) If I were ever to get a ticket it would be in this outfit. (Tyler: Yes.) “You are six-and-a -half feet tall and you are breaking the law.” So after getting a chance to style these shoes, I was kind of starting to like them. But clearly, a lot of people online did not. So I’m actually gonna Instagram a photo of this look, and see what you guys think– cause obviously, like, headline writers were “shook,” but I wonder how y’all as individuals feel. I would say that your guys’s comments kind of fall into three categories: The first, which is upset. The second category being confused and conflicted. And then the third category, which is beyond liking them and, in fact, planning to wear them in important situations. Though I do sort of doubt you guys are actually gonna go out and buy these, I think that a majority of the comments were actually positive or at least, like, surprisingly okay with them. So maybe some of those articles were just being shooketh for shooketh’s sake. Oh, my god, look at my little toenail sticking out. I didn’t notice this. So for my fourth outfit, I wanted to go for kind of, like, a retro platform look. So I went for this, like, late 90s, early 200s vibe. It was also very pink, I think because the Crocs were demanding some matching clothing. (Tyler: It’s like your shoes have possessed you.) Yes, I am the shoe today. Nice to meet you, my name is Balenciaga. (Tyler: Are you affordable?) Never! No! So when I think of platform shoes, the first thing that comes to mind is Baby Spice of the Spice Girls. You can call me Hairy Spice. When I think of Crocs, the first thing that springs into my mind is my brother gardening in 2006, but there has to be more to it. So I thought that diving into the history behind both of these shoes might shed some light on our current situation. As for Crocs, the first pairs were produced for the 2002 Fort Lauderdale boat show, marketed as the perfect boating shoe. From then on, Crocs had a serious moment in the mid-2000s, becoming the fastest-growing shoe company in 2006. That’s not to say we thought they were fashionable back then. I think it was more of a collective decision to say “Screw it. These are comfortable and I’m going to wear them.” Since then, they’ve remained a go-to lightweight shoe that you can throw on to check your mail, walk around your yard, go to the grocery store, but they haven’t, as of yet, broken through the style barrier. Unlike Crocs, platforms shoes have been in and out of style since pretty much 600 BC, when Greek actors used them in plays to make themselves more visible. During the Heian period in Japan, platform shoes originated as a way for rice farmers to avoid sinking into the mud, but over time were adopted by Geishas and Oiran as a way to both stop their kimonos from dragging on the ground, but also as a way to signal their status, wealth, and profession. The thing is, my skirt is very short so I don’t need help, like, keeping my clothes off of the ground, but I am in fact elevating my outfit for all to see. [Police siren] They’ve come to take my Crocs away with an ax. Across the world in medieval Europe, platform shoes were also prevalent, mostly amongst fancy folk, who used them both to tower above commoners, and also to avoid sinking into the mud and literal poop on the streets. I don’t think Balenciaga meant this, but, like, the original use case of platforms and the original use case of Crocs are somewhat similar. Like they’re both used to, like, wade through mud. So putting them both into one shoe kind of makes more sense than I originally thought. In more recent history, platforms came back into style in the 30s during the Great Depression as the cork used for their soles was cheaper than traditional materials. And from then on they were popular with actresses in the 40s, glam rockers in the 70s, and an interesting combination of the Spice Girls and goth and punk subcultures in the 90s. As for this outfit, I did enjoy the 90s vibes, but I think all the pink was a bit much for me. I think I’m gonna need to watch a horror movie after this outfit, or at least, like, marathon The Addams Family. So after learning some history and doing some styling, I wanted to put these shoes through some practicality tests. So we’re gonna head down to Disneyland tonight and wear these around all evening and see what happens and if I break an ankle. I think I am getting better at walking around in these shoes, though I think that also makes me cockier, which makes me fall more. (Tyler: That was so much arrogance. You flew too close to the sun.) But after a few hours of being on my feet, I think the main hindrance was the exhaustion. Onwards, ever onwards, on the inexorable march towards death. I think there’s just more effort required when wearing this type of platform, that’s not really, like, strapped to your feet the way, like, a sneaker is. So eventually my feet needed to be stretched out every few minutes or so and though I wasn’t getting, like, blisters, I was actually hurting a little bit. That’s how my calves feel when they get a good stretch. Besides that, I did enjoy being very tall at Disneyland. No one told me I was too tall for any of the rides, and I was just heighty enough to touch the Magic Castle. Did you see I could touch the portcullis? (Tyler: I was sure you were gonna get kicked out.) So on day six, I wanted to take my platform Crocs to the water. So although I personally say Crocs do well in like muddy situations, Tyler insists that one wears Crocs to the beach. What I did not expect was how hard it would be to get to the water. Wait, take this. I cannot stand up straight for the life of me. My Crocs are sinking into the sand. Since walking slowly wasn’t getting me anywhere, I decided to make a mad dash for it. It was not working. (Tyler: Are you okay?) I’m totally fine. You said it would be good on the beach Once we got to the harder sand, though, things started looking up. But now let’s see what the ocean does. Waah! Waaaah! Wah wah wah wah! I started lifting my foot up while there was water underneath me, and my foot started floating away! (Tyler: What does that mean?) Because there’s like a giant flotation device attached to it! So since Tyler had made us come to the beach, I made him try on the Crocs. Oh, be careful, Ty! Don’t bait him! Maybe Tyler does have better balance than me … or maybe not. And he was right that the Crocs can be easily rinsed off, but with the unevenness of the sand and the height of the platform, I would not recommend wearing these shoes to the beach. No. So for our last outfit I wanted to go full wild-and-out, head-to-toe questionable fashion decisions. (Tyler: Damn! This is like a rap video.) Now that we have done quite a few of these videos, I do have, like, a lot of ugly clothes to choose from, so I chose a classic: the band ruffle t-shirt– and also a never-before-seen item: the hoodie sweatpants. These pants are absolutely ridiculous. (Tyler: Yes.) They’re almost, almost outshining the shoes. I bought them to make a video out of, but we never did. So here they are. This is kind of like what I imagine clothing in the future will be. We’ve got nowhere else to go but ugly. Whenever I wear a full outfit of so-called ugly items, I’m always curious as to which one will be the worst. And I don’t think the Crocs were the worst. (Tyler: The crocs were, like, “how did i get so normal all of a sudden?”) Even if the Crocs were relatively tame, the whole outfit did make me look kind of like an avant-garde killer clown. I kind of feel dangerous. Like it’s 10 p.m. at target and I’m here. To be honest, I’m surprised they even let me in the store. I feel like I could be a meme, you know, instead of the Walmart yodeling boy I could be the target platform Crocs girl. I would accept that moniker. (Tyler: That’s a pretty good name. Don’t mind the hoodie pants.) Yeah, no. I don’t know about these. Okay, so that was my week of wearing platform Crocs. Overall, once the initial shock wore off, the fashion of them wasn’t too bad, and I did actually get a fair amount of compliments in person. I think that any of the pushback to the style of these shoes comes from that, like, stigma around Crocs, and not really from their actual appearance. That said, they are very impractical. They are waterproof and made of foam, but they’re not very comfortable to walk around in, especially for, like, long amounts of time, and they’re very easy to fall off of. You also can’t, style-wise, just like grab these shoes and go; like, I feel like you really have to plan your outfit ahead of time. All in all, in terms of the existence of these shoes, I’m of two minds: I enjoy how crazy and irreverent they are, and I do like the idea that Balenciaga is trolling people who might not like Crocs by, like, making them fashion, but I also don’t love the idea of taking an accessible shoe that millions of people wear and love, and turning it into a luxury item. I feel like platform Crocs should be marketed to people who like Crocs– not just people who can afford the crazy price tag and might be wearing them ironically. Not that anyone really needs these. But it does seem like some people might want to wear them to their wedding, To which I’ll say, if you will actually get married in these and you are a size 10 women’s, I will send them to you. Thank you guys so much for watching and a quick update on the Frankenphora lipstick giveaway. We have your entries, of which there are literally hundreds of thousands, so we’re gonna be picking the winners of the giveaway in the next week and a half or so and we’ll let everyone know at the end of an upcoming video when all of the winners have been selected. If you liked this video, make sure to shmash that Like button and if you want to see more videos like this make sure to shmash that Subscribe button. A big shoutout to Ayah for watching. Thanks for watching, Ayah, and I will see you guys a-next time.