– (German accent) Ah,
every football game ever. I love the football. (flatly) Oh.
Oh, American football? This is… this is JOKE!!! (swearing in German) – (Ian) Every football game ever. – (announcer) And now it’s time
for everyone’s favorite: the kiss cam! – Oh. Oh. No thanks. – We’re not together. (nervous giggle) (spectators boo) – No! No! This is my actual wife. – Hello!
– My husband is literally right here. – (spectators) Do it! Do it! – Do it or we’ll f*cking kill you. – I’m sorry, honey. ♪ I have a sexy body ♪ (smooch)
(everyone cheers) – (Ian) Every futbol game ever. – (announcer) This just in: Michael Sam has made himself
the first openly gay player to enter the NFL draft. – (in disgust) UGH!
– Ew! – Screw that!
– Yeah, this sport ain’t for the gays! ♪ (steamy EDM music) ♪ – Yo, good game, bro. – (lisping) Football! – Yeah. Football’s
the straightest sport in the country! AMERICAAAA!!!
– Woo! – Ooh, right back at you, brotha. – (Ian) Every jockstrap ever. – (Anthony) Touchdowns in 1986. (spectators cheer) (gunfire and crazed laughter) – (Anthony) Touchdowns in 2016. (spectators cheer) – Touchdown! (blows whistle) That’s a fine! You’re out of the game for placing
the ball in my hand too hard. Hit the showers.
– (meekly) Okay. – (Ian) What’s a “Blue 42”? – (announcer) And now
for everyone’s favorite: the show-us-your-tits cam. (spectators cheer lewdly) – F*ck no. (all aww) – (Ian) Every questionable hot dog ever. – Great game, Pedro.
You just won the Superbowl! – I wanna thank God
and it was a great team effort. – So what happened on that last play? You seemed to hit your head
pretty hard on that last pass. – I just wanna thank God
and that was a… great team effort. – You think it was a concussion? Because if so that would’ve
been your fifth this year. – I just… wanna thank God… – So, as you can see,
all allegations for this league being lenient on head trauma
is completely false. Back to you, Brian! – (Ian) Every soccer– eh… (players grunt)
– OOOH! (laughing) Guys.
Why is this so warm? – ‘Cause we lost! – So we peed in it! – WE HATE YOU!!! – UHH, SO MUCH TESTOSTERONE! DAAAAHHHHH! – RAHH! – I f*cking hate football. – (Ian, slurring) Every football ever. – (announcer) And now
for my personal favorite: the concieve-a-child cam! – What? N-No way! (nervous chuckle) – I’m down.
– What?! Oh my god!
– Come on, be a man! – (announcer) Ooh, touchdown! – (Ian) Every football game ever. Hey, guys, thanks so much for subscribing. To see bloopers from this video
and a deleted scene about tailgating… – Who are you guys rooting for?
– Oh, no one! We’re just here to star gaze. – …click the video on the left. And to watch episode three
of our new series, Part Timers, click the video on the right. – [Inaudible] yes. ♪ (steamy music) ♪ – Are you getting the yes?
– Yes. – And if you have
a fancy touchscreen device, all the links are in the description below.