Bob: All right, let’s do it. Jack: Lerooooooy Jenkins! Wade: We’re gonna play the new Twilight map that I don’t know that much about. Mark: Okay.
Bob: Fucking hate vampires… Jack: Do you wanna do an intro? I’mma do an intro. Jack: TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YOU LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME TO GOLF WITH FRIENDS WITH MARK BOB AND WADE Wade: (laughing) What??
Bob: Jesus Christ…
Mark: Wow. Jack: There we go! Wade: I thought you said “I’m gonna screw my balls with Mark, Jack and Wade” Jack: Welcome to Golf with Friends!
Bob: Wait, do we all have to try to match Jack’s intro now?
Mark: Yeah Jack: That’s literally where my intro is going. Every time…
Bob and Wade: Alright. Jack: that’s where it’s gonna end up.
Bob: Alright, who’s up- who’s up next?
Wade: Here’s my intro. Wade: Hey guys, what Jack said! Jack: BOOO get off the stage!
Bob: You suck, I’m gonna try to match Jack’s. Are you ready? Jack: Here we go. Here we go.
Wade: You’re gonna be the loudest one, I can imagine. Jack: Bring it, bring it. Bob: *loud inhale* Bob:(Really Fast) HEY THIS IS MUTHSUYAW AND WELCOME TO GOLF WITH FRIENDS WITH MARK JACK AND WADE!!!!!!! Jack: WOAH! Nice! Nice, dude!
Wade: Okay, I’ll try it, I will try it.
Bob: I broke my voice. Jack: Here we go.
Wade: Three, Wade: ALSDKFHL SAJDCKA DSAHF Jack: *tsk* That wasn’t even words. Mark: Yeah. That was…that was…
Jack: Plus, you didn’t even count down from three! You just said “three” and then started talking! [Bob laughs]
Wade: I counted…quietly. All right… Bob: Start the fucking game! Mark, you wanna do an intro, or…? Mark: Yeah, I’ll…[indistinct mumbling] Mark [calmly and slowly]: Hello… [Wade and Bob snicker]
Mark [quietly]: My name is — Jack: NAILED it! Let’s go! [laughs]
Mark [quietly]: Markiplier… Mark: Welcome to…Golf With Friends.
[Bob laughing] Mark: Wha-psssh…
Jack: Just… Mark: I don’t know how to play! Wade: Well…
Jack: Hold-click, aim; pull back, push.
Bob: It’s not…it’s not loading for me yet… Jack: Yeah, it’s s-
Wade: I’m still loading in, too. Jack: Stuff is swaying…
Mark: Wade… Jack: Oh…oh God, look at our balls! Jack: There we go!
Wade: If you press, like, “L”, I think, you like, glow or some — I THINK it’s “L”… Wade: …There’s one of–
Mark: Why are we CUBES? Wade: Because it’s random ball shapes per hole.
Bob: Yeah, so, we have different…Random ball shapes is the thing now. Mark [laughing]: Oh God, oh…
Jack: Oh God…Oh God. Jack: POOSHK! Yeah! Bob: See yah! Oh shit… Jack: FUCK yeah! Jack: This is good! Imma be good at this! Imma be awesome at this. Watch! Mark: How do I…what? Mark: How do I get more power?
Wade: You click and you drag. Mark: Ohhhh….
Jack: Click and drag forward. Mark: BOOSHK! Woah! Aw, fuck…
Jack: Ah, Jesus Christ! [Bob and Wade laugh] Jack: Aw, come on!
Wade: Good job, Mark. Jack: Yeah! I did it! [claps] Woo! Jack: Golf With Friends, everybody.
Mark: Aw, FUCK! [Wade laughs]
Mark: AW, FUCK!
Bob: Softer, Mark. *Softer.* [everyone but Mark laughs]
Jack: Suck LESS, Mark! [Mark makes fake crying sounds] Bob: Uh…It’s okay. You’re tied with Jack.
Wade: This gon’ be good… Mark: Oh, fuck this shit…
Wade: Oh God, we’re CONES? Jack: Oh Jesus! Come on!
Mark: Oh God… [Distorted Moaning]
Jack: Is this — OH…oh! I almost HAD eet! Bob: Did anyone SEE that shit?
Mark: Oh, it’s *underneath* it! Wade: What happened?
Mark: It’s *underneath* it! Bob: I did it — Oh, it’s underneath it…well… Jack: Fuck! I forgot that we were able to jump… Bob: Everyone can eat shit! Wade: Oh God…
Bob: Oh, Mark…[laughs] Mark: THERE we go! I got it! I’m in! [fake sobbing] Wade: Am I in?
Jack: REALLY? Bob: No, you’re NOT in, Wade…
Mark [laughing]: You’re not in, Wade… Jack: The hole was UNDERNEATH it? That SUCKS! Mark: How did I take 7 strokes? I was the first one in! Jack: Heh-heh-heh. Mark: Oh FUCK YOUU — [faint scream]
Wade: Oh we’re pucks! Jack: Oh — WHAT?
Bob: Oh, this is a really good one for pucks… Wade: WHEEEEEE… Bob: Yeehaw! Whoa-oh! Shit!
Mark: How do I —
Jack: Oh, come on, you sons of dicks! [Wade screams]
Bob: Oh, here I am! Made it.
Mark: Woah woah woah woah woah… Mark: Okay…
Jack: This sucks! WHAT? [Bob laughs]
Mark: Oh…wha…woah. Bob: You okay, Jack?
Jack: My guy doesn’t go up the ramp, he bounces off the edge of it. Bob: I think you might have to *jump* to go
up the ramp, Jack. [laughs] Mark: Yeah, you gotta jump. Mark: Jump…click to jump…
Bob: You gotta jump into it, Jack.
Jack: THERE we go. Jack: There we go, there we go.
Bob: Woah, shit! Wade: Woo, nice jump-jump!
Bob: Jack’s got…Jack’s got wicked tricks.
Jack: Fuck… Wade: He’s only got 2 strokes, though…he’s gotta…
Jack: AAH! Wade: You gotta make it this shot, Jack. Mark: Nice! Jack: FUCK! Suck my dick!
[Bob and Mark laugh] Jack: [roars angrily] Jack: Wait, wait…wait for it! Wait for it! Wait… [horn makes anticlimactic honk] Wade [laughing]: What was THAT?
Mark: The fuck was THAT?
Jack: There! Bob: You feeling okay?
Mark: Aw, I almost made a hole in one, guys! Wade: I saw that, that was good. Bob: Whee!
Jack: Are we *eggs?* Jack: Fuck.
Wade: Oh God…
Bob: Yeah, we’re all like, eggs. Mark: There we go. Bogey!
Jack: What?? Jack: [grunts] Come on, come on, come on…you fuck– Jack: You fuckin’ asshole!
Wade: Yeee! Jack: Ooooh mama! Wooo!
[Mark laughs] Wade: Well, there you go Jack! Just don’t screw up now. Jack: YEAH, double bogey! Suck it, Salty Buckets! [Wade laughs somewhat like Mark] [Jack does an imitation of Mark’s laugh]
Mark: Guys, guys… [Bob does an imitation of Mark’s laugh]
Mark: Hey! Don’t…don’t be me. You can’t be me! Mark: EH!
Wade: Oh, we’re *cylinders!*
Bob: What are we? Oh, we’re cylinders? Oh geez… Jack: We’re fuckin’ marshmallows. Mark: Oh geez…oh geez…
Bob: No-no-no-no… Jack: Don’t…don’t push me in, you hairy!
Bob: Oh Jack…You saved my fucking life, Jack. [Wade screams]
Jack: OHHH-HO-HOhhhh fuck… Mark [laughing]: Thank you…
Wade: Stoooop… Jack: God!
Wade: I can’t stop rolling! Jack: I’m sick of…YES! WOO!
[Bob laughs] Mark: I can’t…I’m not [unclear]
Jack: Jump, Wade, jump! Jump. [Wade screams] Wade: Nooooo…
[Jack and Bob laugh] Mark: [screams] I got in!
Jack: This game is FUN again! Wade: Pleeeease! Jack: In the hole! Yaaaay!
Bob: Oh no, Wade…Oh Wade…
[Mark laughs] Jack: I LOVE this game! [Bob and Mark laugh] Jack: In the hole! Wade: YAY!
Jack: WHAT!? Mark: Niiiice!
Bob: That was fucking wizardry! What the hell? Mark: Wooow…
Wade: I don’t…everything went so wrong…
Jack: How the…Okay, fuck you guys… Jack: LEROOOY JENKINNNS! [laughs] Jack: [grunts] FUCK IT!
Mark: Can I stop rolling for 2 goddamn seconds? Jack: SON OF A BITCH!
Bob: Mark, what are you doing…[laughs]
Mark: I got it, I got it, I got it… Jack: FUCK!
Mark: Ah, fuck me! Come ON!
[Bob and Wade laugh] Jack: Yaay! [laughs] Mark: Wahhh…WOO!
Wade: *There* you go.
Bob: If anyone… Jack: Forty-…
Bob: If anyone’s looking for source material to make the Jacksepticeye Curse… Jack: WOO!
Bob: Uh, Board — Soundboard — I think this is the one. Wade: Oh God, we’re isospheres…NOOO!
[Bob laughs] Jack: Where’s the hole? Oh, there it is. Mark: Shit. Bob: Pew! Aw, shit…
Wade: That’s what HE…shouldn’t have to say… [Mark yells]
Jack: Yeah! Ride it in! Bob: Oh yes!
Jack: Holy shit, Bob! Mark: We’re ALL winners!
Wade: Yes! Get rekt, everybody! Jack: Except *me!* [laughs] Wade: I…I tied with you.
Jack: Oh Jesus…
Mark: What the hell… Jack: Okay…massive tactics! Watch this!
Wade: Oh, this is the… Jack: HOO!
[Wade makes car noises]
Mark: Boink! Jack: Yeah, fuck yeah!
Bob: Woo! Jack: How do we get up there? [laughs]
Bob: Aw shit…How the fuck are we supposed to get up there? [Mark makes desperate noises]
Jack: Oh! Oh!
Bob: Oh no! Oh no! Wade: Woo-hoo! Birdie! Jack: Oh! Oh yeah, birdie! Mark: AW, COME ON!
Bob: Bye, everyone… [Jack laughs]
Wade: Bye, Bob! Mark [laughing]: There you go! Wade: Bye, Bob!
Jack: Yes! Jack: This is this is where I take back my lead!
[Mark laughs] Jack: Which I never had…
[Bob grunts] Wade: Oh no! No!
Jack [disappointed] Oh…
Bob: I *did* it! Get rekt! Jack: Okay. I gained a shot. I gained a shot on Mark that round.
Bob: Oh God…
Mark: That was good. Mark: Good show, good show.
Bob: Aw, fuck, THIS fucking one… Jack: WOO! Oh shit!
Mark: I’m going up — Whoah! Wade: Bye, Bob — Mark! Mark: Fuck ME! Goddamnit…
Jack: Are we just regular balls this time?
Wade: Yeah! [screams] Jack: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Bob: Hey, I did it!
Mark: Ohhh shit! Right — I almost got that! Mark: Gonna be a little less than full power…
Jack: Holy shit!
Bob: Yes… Jack: Wade, that was a good shot.
Bob: All right, Mark… Mark: Wooooah shit…
Bob: Oh my God…
[Jack laughs] Wade: Yeah, that’s what I did. I did
like, 2 bars or 2 and a half or something… Bob: You’re almost…you were almost a wizard Mark.
Mark: This is gonna be sooo sick… Jack: Woo! Wade: THAT’S not the — what the heck? [laughs] [Bob and Jack laugh] Mark [nearly screaming]: Oh FUCK! Fuckin’ criminy! [everyone but Mark laughs]
Mark: THERE we go! Jack: What the FUCK?
Mark: Ah, fuck! Wade: What is HAPPENING? Jack: Jesus — woooah…woah, woah!
Mark [shrieking]: FUCK!
[Bob and Wade laugh] Wade: All you had to do was make it on this — Mark [screaming]: FUUUCK!
[Bob laughs] Jack: What is going on? Jack: Yaaaaaay!
Mark: Aww, goddamnit! Bob: Hey, Jack’s not in last!
Mark: How did you guys DO that one? That was IMPOSSIBLE!
[Wade laughs] Jack: ‘Cause we didn’t TRY that! Mark: You-…f-…f-…fuck me…
Bob: Bye, Mark!
[Wade laughs] Mark [spluttering]: Shut up! I’m still rolling…
[Bob and Wade laugh] Jack: How do we do this?
Mark: Such bullshit… Jack: [grunts] Fuck’s sake! This is impossible with these!
Mark: Oh, this is terrible… Mark: This is terrible! Mark: Wade, you suck!
Bob: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Wade: What did *I* do? Jack: Aw, come on! It went backwards!
Mark: You picked random shapes! It’s your fault! Jack: Jesus Christ almighty!
Mark: How do you guys still have strokes? Bob: Hyuh — Oop! Yes!
Jack: Cause *you* went out of bounds. Mark: Noo! [random unintelligible noises from Bob and Wade] Jack: I’m out of strokes.
Bob: No! That was my last one, but I made — just get over there! [Wade makes desperate squeaking noises] Bob: Wade, just give it up.
Jack: Wade, just throw in your hat, man. Bob: Just die…
Wade: Nooo! Why NOW!? [Bob and Jack laugh]
Wade: Noooo… [Mark groans] Jack: Just wanna say, fuck this
game, but also I LOVE it.
Bob: Well, you know what? We’re all even. Mark: Yeah. Fuck this game. Bob: What the hell?
Jack: Oh, do we have to pick a hole? Mark: Oh geez.
Jack: Oh crap…
Wade: Yeah, there’s apparently like a random spot. You can jump off the the side on this one I think. Jack: ‘Kay, I got this.
Bob: Fuck. Jack: Go in, you fucking cone! Why are we *cones?* Jack: It’s not even ice cream cones!
Bob: Yeah, I hate the cones the most. Jack: Yes! Double bogey!
Bob: Heya! Jack: See ya, Bob! [laughs]
Wade: Bye, Bob. Bob: Why did you bounce like that, you
motherfucker? Jack: “You salty bitch!”
[Wade laughs] Jack: Oh!
Bob: There we go.
Mark: Nice! Jack: Nice on. Wade: Welcome to the party, Bob!
Bob: Pew…Oh! Bob: Slam-fucking-dunked!
Jack: Wooo! Jack: You guys need to lose some serious shots.
I don’t like this. Mark: I don’t think we can. Bob: What are we? Oh, I see.
Wade: [makes a car noise] OH! Wade: That WORKED! That worked great! Mark: No…NO! What the fuck, this is bullshit! Jack: It’s like a fucking Pachinko machine!
Wade: I just jumped over everything! Mark: Shut up, Wade! No one cares.
Wade: It worked so good…
Jack: Ah shit… Bob: Egg…Egg…[shallow panting]
Jack: Why am I over here now? This sucks. Bob: Hey, everybody. Mark: Wooo! Jack: Yaaay!
Bob: There you go, Jack. You did it!
Mark: Yaay. Bob: You DID it, Jack!
Jack: Woo! Jack: WOOO! Mark: WOOO! Bob: WOOO!
Wade [makes car noises] Oh God! Jack: Holy shit, Mark!
Bob: Oh fuckin’ shit… Mark: Thank you. I know. Jack: “I know. I are the best.” Okay…
Mark: Are we actual balls?
Bob: Hey, Mark! Wade: Noooo!
Jack: Go in!
Mark: Aw, fuck off with me! Jack: Bob, get the fuck out of my way.
Mark: OH FUCK OFF! I HAD [incomprehensible]! SO GOOD! Jack: COME ON! Look at this bullshit!
[Mark groans] Jack: I’m not even doing it. I’m not doing it.
I’m not going in.
[Bob laughs] Jack. Fine.
Mark: Ugh… Jack: Oh, suck…s-…
Bob: You can do it, Jack. Don’t…don’t be a wee baby.
Mark: We’re finally balls, overcompensating for being a stupid shape! [Wade and Bob laugh]
Jack: Yeah, we should have
played regular golf first. Wade: I *asked* you! Jack: Oh, I fuckin’ NAILED that!
Mark: You said we were GONNA! Jack: Okay…okay… [Wade grunts]
Jack: Go IN! Fuck…
Mark: Oh, come on!
Bob: Wooo! Hey, bitches! [Wade grunts]
Bob: Hey, bitche-…aw.
Jack: Jesus Christ, I hate cones! I hate
CONES! Bob: Eghk! Oh…Eghk! Fuckin’…
Jack: Hup — Fuck my… Jack: Yes! Jesus Christ!
Bob: Hey, Wade — [drowned out]
Wade: Nooo! [Bob laughs]
Mark: There we go! Thank you, Wade!
Wade [sadly]: Oh…
Jack: Fuck ME! Bob: Thanks for hitting me in, Wade. I appreciate that.
[Mark groans] Wade: You’re…you’re welcome, Bob.
Bob: Oh, that caught me up to you, too! Wade: NOOOO! Jack: Wait where’s the hole?
Mark: The fuck? Where’s the goddamn hole in this? Jack: Oh, I’m-
Wade: I think one of these holes is a good hole, but most of them are bad holes. Bob: Where’s Mark?
Mark: Oh fuck this goddamn egg bullshit! Mark [shrieking] OH FUCK AGH! Bob: Oh, I see Mark. I see Mark. Okay. I gotcha.
[Jack laughs] [Mark groans]
Wade: Wait, where… Mark: God! Fuck that shit!
Wade: I don’t know where…Oh God. Way over THERE? Mark: Such terribleness… Mark: Such HORRIBLENESS.
[Jack grunts] [Jack snarls angrily] Bob: Woo!
Wade: Oh no… Jack: FUCK!
Bob: All right. All right, here we come, baby. Bob: You guys ready for the comeback?
Jack: Oh my God…
Mark: I see this, Jack it’s bullshit. Mark: Eggs are bullshit. Eggs are such bullshit.
Bob: Ah shit. Jack: Christ almighty!
Bob: Hey bitches! Bob: OH!! [laughs]
Wade: Oh my God, Bob! Jack: Now I’M behind! God-fuckin’-dammit. Mark [impressed]: Daaaayum! Wade: Bob! Mark: All right…
Wade: Okay, this one, you want to go over the roof…
Jack: Is that the hole way all the way over there on the right? Wade: Over the roof to the right a little bit. Mark: Oh goddammit.
Bob: Pew! [Jack grunts]
Bob: What? No! Jack: I can’t even get *up* the fuckin’ roof!
Bob: It’s further to the right than that! Mark: Fuck… Wade: Ehhhh! I can’t get over the humps! Jack: Shit. [laughs] Wade [laughing]: Bye, Jack!
Mark: The fuck? This is bullshit. Bob: Peww!
Jack: Go in the hole! Go in the hole!
Oh, you hairy bitch… Bob: Yesss! Jack: Excuse…excuse my vernacular. Bob: Hey, everybody! You found the hole that I found. I was there first. You got my sloppy seconds. Jack: Oh, shut up Bob. Suck SEVEN dicks.
Mark: Ah, whatever. Jack: Not EIGHT. Eight’s too much. Sorry.
Mark: Yeah, fuck you, Bob.
Bob: SEVEN dicks? Bob: Wade…Uh…
Jack: Wade, go in. Bob: You’re not in the hole, Wade.
Wade: Oh… [Jack and Wade laugh] Bob: Is it in yet?
[Jack laughs] Jack: Okay. Where are we going?
Bob: Oh, where the fuck now… Mark: Where…?
Jack: We have to get across the fuckin’ pontoon?
Wade: Oh… Wade: We have to actually go into the water, I think. Bob: Oh shit…
Mark: Whaat? Jack: No, we just gotta do this! Wade: No, you go — you go into the water…
Jack: Oh my God, I almost got across all of it! Bob: Oh fuck! You don’t want to *jump* in the water! That’s an important thing to know!
Jack: No… Wade: No, *I* did.
Jack: No, we go this way. Wade: I jumped in the water and just
bounced over the bridge. Jack: You’re supposed to go in the water. Why is it cones? Wade: [makes car noises] Oh…
Jack: Oh, get up! Get up! Bob: Oh, I see…I see. Mark: Fucking cones…Fucking cones! Bob: I’m coming, everybody. Don’t worry, Bob’s comin’. Wade: All right.
Bob: I’m hippity-hoppin’ my way…
Jack: Wade, get out of my fuckin’ way. [Mark laughs] [Jack snarls angrily]
[Mark laughs] Bob: Oh baby!
Jack: BOB, you fuckin’ —
Wade: BYE, JACK! [everyone but Jack laughs] Jack: I will MURDER you. Mark: Wade, you are such a prick and I *love* it! Jack: I w-…I hope…I hope that you just burst into flames while taking horri-…horrendous shits… Jack: You fuckin’ Whore of Babylon! Mark: “The Whore of Babylon?” My GOD… Bob: Oh my God…
Wade: Oh, you gotta bounce off like, one of the wooden pillars here or something… Wade: You gotta go in, to the right. There’s like a hole under the waterfall with carts and stuff… Mark: Got it!
Bob: Pew! Mark: Fuck…
Jack: Oh, I nailed it! Sweet! Bob: Oh shit…I fucked it up. [Wade makes a car noise, then screams]
[Jack grunts] Jack: Oh my God…Go i-…Go in this shot! Please!
Bob: Oh, come on, egg! Bob: Egg, come on! Come on…Yes!
Mark: Wooah… Jack: OH, YOU FFFFFUCK…
Mark: Fuck me, goddamn it… Bob: Hey Jack! How’s it going, buddy?
Jack: YES! Yes! Yes! Bob: Wooo!
Jack: Oh, I almost had a fuckin’ par!
Mark: Woah, what the fuck? [Wade makes a car noise, then screams]
Bob: Oh my God! Mark, you almost got on the mine cart! [Bob laughs]
Mark: I KNOW. Bob [laughing]: Wade…
Mark: Aw, fuck ME! Bob [laughing]: How are you…how are you THERE?
Wade: Stop touching me! Stop touching me!
STOP TOUCHING MEEE! Wade [screaming]: I CAN’T CLICK! STOP! Wade [screaming]: THE MINE CART!
Jack: You’re going to have to do it quick, Wade.
Mark: OH NOO! Jack: Ah, hey Mark. [laughs] Mark: Goddammit… Jack: Yesss… Mark: This is bullshit! Wade: Bob wins by like 15 strokes!?
Mark: Bullshit [voice half cuts out] stupid eggs! Bob [laughing]: 15 strokes…
Jack: Okay, I *think* we need to do normal golf. Mark[screaming]: This is BULLSHIIIT! Jack: For the sake of our friendship, we
need normal golf. [Mark sighs] Jack: Okay. Here we go. What is going on with our weird…balls? Mark: It’s fine. Bob: It’s…it’s perfectly fine…
Jack: This is what happens when we all stick our balls together.
Wade: That must be just a “you” problem. Bob: That’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s how it’s supposed to be, it’s fine. Jack: Dude, get your balls out of my balls. Wade: Press “L”. Your balls will glow.
Mark: All right. Jack: I don’t *need* my balls to glow. I just need to *win.*
Mark: Oh, okay. Jack: Oh, what a shot! Mark: Oooh… Wade: WHAT? Jack: I’m goin’ in! Par! Par, baby!
Bob: We can JUMP, mother fuckers. Mark: Aw, come on, Bob! Right as I shoot, you bump me!?
[Bob laughs] [Jack laughs]
Mark: Right as I *shoot?* Mark: You fucki-…fuck you! [screams] [everyone but Mark laughs] Mark: This is BULLSHIT! You ASSHOLE! Bring this bullshit into MY HOUSE!? Wade [laughing]: His ball was going in and I knocked him out! Mark: Ohh…I KNOW! I was THERE! Jack: Hole in one, baby!
Mark: You don’t need to EXPLAIN how you fucked me over! Bob: Hole in one, baby!
Jack: Hole in one! Wade: Nooo! Bob: Jack, we’re hole in one brothers! Hole in one brothers!
Mark: And what about ME? Hole in one? Mark [screaming with a voice crack]: FUCK OFF! [everyone but Mark laughs] Jack: This is the *best!* I love this game! Mark: Shut up. Jack: I *love* this game!
Mark: OH FUCK… Bob: Mark…Mark, you got to use *finesse!* [Mark groans, everyone else laughs] Mark: Yeah, well, a bogey is good too…Double bogey also good… Wade: Oh my God…
Jack: Bob, I’m coming for your ass! Jack: Where the fuck am *I*?
Oh! All the way. All the way! Go! Jack: Go! All the way! [sighs] So close…
Bob: No! No, no, no, no! Bob: You know what? Fine.
Jack: Yes! Wade: Bob, you’ve got me trying something so stupid…
Jack: Come, Bumbum, come! Yaay! Mark: Yay, I did something. Bob: Hey, friends! Can *I* come?
Jack: Welcome, Bumbum! Bob: Can *I* come? Wade, go away! It’s *my* hole.
[random cheers and noise-making] Wade [laughing]: That took 4 shots there. That’s so baaad…
Bob: Goddammit. Mark: OH, SHUT UP. [everyone but Mark laughs] Jack: Aaand…woo! Bob: Pew! Oh, fuck you, paddle!
Jack: Oh, shit… [Mark laughs]
Wade [laughing]: Hey guys, welcome back! Mark: Ooooh… Jack: Hooshk!
Mark: All right…that’s good… Jack: Yeah, boy! Jack: Keep going! Keep going! keep going!
Bob: Hwup — Oh no! Jack: Keep going, ball!
Wade: Woohooo! Jack: Yes! Wooo!
[Wade makes triumphant grunting noises] Jack: This is *fun* now!
Mark: Wade, were you just patient and got a hole in one? Wade: Yes. Jack: What the fuck is happening with your ball, Bob? Mark: Oh my God, Bob!
Bob: I’m comin’. I’m comin’. Hang on. Mark: Let it go! Just let it go, Bob! [laughs]
Jack: You’re just bouncin’ in the same place!
[Wade laughs] Bob: Hang on… Bob: All right…
Mark: Bob! It’s already dead! Jack: Yeah! [laughs] Stop! Stop!
[Bob laughs] Mark: Woah…woah…
Wade: HOLE IN ONE!
[Jack grunts] Bob: Nooo…
Mark: Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one!
Jack: Oh…oh! Mark: Hole in oooone!
Jack: Hole in one! Hole in one! Hole in one!
Bob: Jack, go away! Jack: Yeeeah!
Mark: We got a hole in one! Yeah! Wade: Jack’s winning! Jack: Of course I am.
Wade [jokingly]: That NEVER happens! Jack: So suck my innards.
Mark: Aw man. Mark: Uhhh…
Jack: Oh shit! [Wade screams]
Bob: Oh shit! Oh Lord!
Jack: I didn’t fuckin’ know THAT! Mark: Woah! Shit! [laughs] Jack: [grunts] Haaah!
Bob: Guys, wait… Bob: I think you shoot out of the water if you bounce on it…
Wade: Yeah! Thank you, Jack!
Mark: [unclear] everyone said “Oh shit”… [unclear] Jack: What did you DO, Wade? Wade [laughing]: I bounced off of you into the hole! Jack: You SUCK! Jack: You SUCK! Wade: You guys are so much fun…
Mark: WHAAAA no… Wade: Bye, Bob. [laughs]
Bob: Oh no, no, ball! Ball! Ball!
Jack: Aaaaahh…bye. Mark: Hang on, I got this…Boink!
Jack [laughing]: Stay there… Mark: [rages for a second, then cheers]
Jack: Aah, you did it. [Mark and Bob laugh]
Wade: Wow… Jack: Let’s go, Wade.
Mark: Thank you. Mark: Totally intentional!
Bob: Oh my God… Jack: Oh Christ…
Mark: *Totally* intentional… Mark: This looks familiar…
Wade: AH! NO! Bob: Wooo…Oh no! No! Ball! Oh my God…
Jack: All you have to do is get the
perfect line. [Jack grunts]
Bob: Wade, why is the out of bounds so harsh? Wade: I don’t know…
Jack: Oh my Go-…Wade! WADE!
Mark: Ohhh… [Wade laughs]
Bob: I feel like they used to bounce out of bounds a lot more… Jack: I fucking HATE you.
Mark: Jack! Mark: Jack, shoot! You’re in my way.
[Wade laughs] Jack: I bounced Wade into the hole again! [Bob laughs]
Mark: Woooo… Bob: What the hell?
Jack: Oh! Oh! Oh, there’s so many fingers
on the screen for you now, buddy. Jack: Oh sh-…
Mark: I’ll add some! I’m helping!
[Wade laughs] Jack: [laughs] Thanks.
Wade: Why? What did *I* do?
Mark: What the fuck is this THIS? Mark [laughing]: Wow…
Jack: You…you go into the middle and then st-
…ugh, fuck. Bob: It’s easy, idiots! Jack: I’m back, bitches!
Bob: I diiid it! Mark: Hoo!
Bob: Why did no one else use my strategy?
There you go, Mark. Bob: That’s a strategy.
Mark: I use it afterwards. I thought I was better.
[Jack grunts] Wade: Woo!
Jack: Aw, you son of a bitch! No!
Bob & Wade: Bye, Jack! Jack: FUUU-HUCK!
[everyone else laughs] Jack: SUUUCK DICKS!
[everyone else laughs] [everyone else continues laughing] Mark: That’s what you get for being in first place, dillweeed! Jack: I hate this…
Wade: Hey Jack, thanks for the first place you gave me! Jack: Wade, we’re no longer friends. Wade: Ohhh…but it’s Golf With Your Friends! Jack: No, it’s Golf With Suck My Ass. Bob: Hey buddy!
Wade: Don’t go in the 1st hole! Wade: The 1st hole…is bad.
Bob: Oh, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t mean to! Wade: HOLE IN ONE!
Jack: Oh! Oh! Oh! Jack: HOLE IN ONE! OH, PRAISE JEBEDIAH!
Wade: There you go! [Mark rages incoherently,
Wade and Jack laugh] Mark: But I went in the same hole YOU guys did! [everyone but Mark laughs] Mark: I went in the SAME! HOLE! Jack: It’s okay! You’re tied with Bob now. Mark: I went out the SAME…HOLE!
Bob: We can be friends, Mark.
[Wade laughs] Wade: Oh God… Jack: Fuck…
Mark: It was the same hole! Mark: It was the same hole, right? Jack: Yeah.
Bob: Yeah, it was. Bob: It was exactly the same hole, Mark.
Jack [frustrated]: Ohhhhhh! *Why?* Mark: Why did it…[groans] Jack: WHY? Jack: I’m all the way back at the start again. Bob: Mark’s getting shoved around! [laughs]
[Wade laughs] Bob: Oh no! No, Mark! No no…Yes! Good bounce. Good bounce. Jack: Yes…Come on, push me! Push me! Push me, you s-…fuckin’ hairy bitch!
[Mark laughs] [Bob and Wade laugh] Jack: I get…I get so angry. Wade: Noooo…MARK! [Mark laughs]
Bob: Mark, did you just block Wade from going in the hole? Wade: He DID!
Bob: Oh my God…
Jack: Sorry for my language. I get angry. Bob: That was beautiful. That was beautiful, that was beautiful, that was beautiful…
Mark: Thank you. Thank you, thank you thank you… Jack: Okay…Oh, if you’re good, you can bounce over.
Bob: Are you guys ready for THIS shit? Bob: No,watch THIS! Bob: Pew! Jack: [laughs] “Watch THIS fuckin’ shit!”
Mark: Wooooah! Bob: Hey Mark. Pew!
Mark: Sick moves, bruh. Heyyy…
[Wade grunts] Bob: Oh my God, Wade, calm down! [laughs]
Mark: You dick! Jack: Okay, I got this… [Mark groans in frustration]
Bob: Mark…Mark…awww. Bob: You gotta go slooow…
Jack: H-..OHHHHH! [everyone but Jack laughs] Mark: What the hell, Wade? Wade: I was trying to hit you and
you took off, so I hit Jack! [everyone but Jack laughs] Wade [laughing]: I was trying to get you back and I took Jack out instead! Jack [quietly]: There…th-…there are no words. Bob: Bye-bye.
Jack: What the fuck… Wade: Wooo!
Mark: Sorry Bob!
Bob: I’m just going to get in the hole before everyone fucks with my shit. Mark: Ah shit! Goddammit, why am I over here…
Bob: You’re fucking with my shit. Don’t
fuck with my shit. Leave me alone. Mark: NoooOOOO!
[Bob laughs] Wade: Mark! Nooo! Mark: I think I got this…Hup! Mark: There we go.
[Jack fake-cries] Bob: Jack! Jack! *Softer,* Jack! Jack: I couldn’t see the line! Mark: Ha-HAH!
Bob: Go *softly!*
Jack: I was, I was like stuck in the wall!
I couldn’t see the line. Jack: Oh fuck. Wait — the hole is just down there.
Mark: Oh geez. This looks bad. Bob: Yeah.
Wade: You can go through the tunnel or you can go the other way. Bob: Pew!
Wade: There’s two areas to do it.
Mark: Is there a possibility of a hole-in-one if we go through the tunnel? Bob: Yes…
Wade: There’s totally a possibility both ways
Jack: This is just ea-…why is *this* a hole? Jack: This is not that hard…
Bob: Bye everybody.
Mark: Woah…woah… Mark: Woah, woah, woah, woah…
Bob: Oh Mark…oh Mark…
Jack: Oh…oh… [groans from Mark and Bob]
Jack: OH-HO-HO-HO! Right behind you! Jack: I almost knocked you in!
Mark: I was so… Mark: Oh man…why you couldn’t you have been a friend?
Wade: Woo-hoo! Jack: I…uh, sorry, man! [Bob laughs] Jack: I didn’t mean to — Oh God.
Mark: Oh geez. Wade: This one, the third target’s the one you want to hit. It will bounce you all the way to the end. Jack: I’d rather just try and go normally.
Mark: I don’t trust you. Mark: I don’t trust you.
Wade: Okay. Bob: Oh sweet Jesus… Jack: What the fuck? He did it! Mark: How are you supposed to…know where…the fuck hit? Wade: I TOLD you!
Bob: You — no no NO! Bob: Fuck…
Jack: Yeah, but you can’t — [Mark shrieks] Wade: WHAT?
Mark: OH MY GOD! Mark: OH MY GOD! Bob: Mark… [laughs]
Mark: WHAAAAT!? Wade: He did GOOD!
Jack: You did…you did an AWESOME thing!
Mark: Whaaat? Mark: I KILLED it! [Bob laughs]
Jack: Holy fuck! Mark: I MURDERED it! Jack: You really did! That was awesome!
Wade: Hey, if I hadn’t screwed, uh… Jack: Oh…
Wade: If I hadn’t screwed Jack over twice,
he’d be tied with Bob! Mark: Ahhh…Wait, are there…Are there 2 flags on this, or is that a separate map?
Bob: Yeah! That would be so impressive, Jack. Mark: That’s a separate one, right?
Bob: That’s a separate one. Mark: Okay…
Jack: I’m just going the normal way. Jack: I’m not tryin’ any fuckin’…risky business.
Bob: Ah shit! I should have just gone the normal way. Jack: Shiiit! Oh, I’m rolling all the way baaack! Mark: Woah! Two jumps! No one told me there were two jumps!
Bob: Oh no, there’s two jumps! Why? [Jack laughs]
Bob: Why is there so many jumps? Wade: They’re all bad except for
the one with the flag. Jack: Where do they lead?
Bob: Oh, I got this… Bob: Imma slam dunk this, are you ready? Are you ready, Jack? Mark: I’m ready.
Jack: Don’t — if you hit me… Bob: What’s up, bitches!? Oh God…
[Mark laughs] Jack: Go in the hole! Go in the hole! Go in the hole!
Wade: Bye, Bob! Jack: Yaaaay! [laughs]
[Wade and Mark laugh] Mark: Accept your fate, Bob! Accept it.
Jack: Accept your fate! Bob: No…It’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna work my way out… Bob: Shit.
Wade: Bye, Bob. Jack: Bloop! Yesss! I’m out of the way now.
Mark: Try it again.
Bob: I’m back, bitches… Wade: Bye, Bob!
Jack: In the hole…in the hole…in the hole…in the hole…
Bob: Fuck! Fuck! Jack: Yaaaay!
Bob: Nope…nope, nope… Mark: Bob…Bob, Bob…
Wade: Bye, Bob! Bob: Woo!
Jack: Oh…oh, oh, go away! I can’t see the fucking thing! The trees are in the way. Jack: Yes! Oh God, it’s right in *there?* Mark: Ooh, that is not good.
Wade: Uh-oh… Wade: Mistakes were not maaade!
Jack: Oh, yes! Jack: WOO!
Bob: Aw, fuck. Jack: Awesome!
and roll back maybe you’re coming back Mark: Hoo — whoah! Maybe I’m coming back in? Jack: Roll back! Roll back, baby!
Mark: Am I coming back in? Mark: Aw, fuck you, Wade! Ooh!
Bob: Oh, Wade! Get out of the way, Wade! Jack: Niiice!
Mark: THANK you, Wade!
Bob: Get out of the way, Wade! Oh NO! Wade: Bye, Bob!
Mark: Oh, BOB! Jack: What happened, Bob?
Bob: I got it. I got this. Bob: Try and get in, Wade. I fucking dare you.
[Mark and Jack laugh] Bob: I fucking *dare* you…NO!
[Jack starts to hum the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly] [everyone laughs] Bob: I was full power! How did that go in the hole when I was full power? Wade: I don’t know. Mark: Oh wow. Bob: Yeah.
Jack: Oh, I almost nailed it — Oh shit. Oh shit.
Too far and you’re fucked. Wade: Noooo!
Bob: Oh God…oh no…
Mark: Woah woah woah…
Jack: Wait, why am I behind *this?* Mark: Oh, okay. This is okay. Bob: Hey, Wade…
Jack: Oh! Oh! Ohhh! Mark: Yes!
Bob: How did that work out — [unclear]
Jack: No. I’m goin’ in before you guys fuck me over. Jack: Yes! Yes! This is where I get my lead back! Jack [singing]: We’re aaall in thiiis togeetheer…
Bob: I’m gonna try and…I’m gonna try and keep you in this, Jack. Jack: What? Bob: I’m gonna try to – [interrupted by Wade screaming]
Jack: Thank you, Bob! Jack: *Thank* you! [blows kisses]
[Bob and Mark laugh] Mark: Yeah! Bob: I got it…Wait, I got it. It’s gonna come back, I got it. Mark: Proud of ya. Proud of ya.
Bob: Just hang on. Jack [laughing]: You got it. Mark: Proud of you.
Bob: No, I got it. I got it. Hang on. Mark: Proud of you. [Jack laughs]
Bob: It’s gonna come back. Hang on. Hang on, it’s gonna come back. Hang on, I got this…
Wade: Bye, Bob. Mark: Proud of you, Bob. Proud of you.
[Wade and Jack laugh]
Bob: Hang on…oh. Wade: BYE, Bob.
Mark: Proud of you! Jack: Oh God…
Mark: Oh no… Mark: Wow, what is THIS?
[Wade grunts] Jack: Yes! Yes… Jack: Woah! All the way!
Bob: Holy shit, that sucks. Mark: What the hell? Mark: Wade, how’d you do that? Wade: I just j-jump- [interrupted by Mark’s scream] Wade [laughing] I jumped better than that.
Jack: Uh-oh…uh-oh…uh-oh… Mark [fake crying]: I didn’t [unclear]
Jack: Ah! Fucking LOGS! Jack: No! No! Oh God…
Mark: Oh fuck this shit, I can’t…[groans] Jack: Logs, don’t do it…
Mark: Aw, fuck! Wade: Schnitzel! Schnitzel! SCHNITZEL!
Bob: What are you doing, logs? No, logs, why? Hey, Jack. Jack: Hi.
Mark: Awww man… Jack: Oh, kick me in! Kick me in — NOOO!
Wade: Wooo…YES! Wade: YES!
Mark: I am sucking…SO MUCH [unclear] — Aw, fuck… Jack: Get in, get in, get in…oh yes. Mark: Aw, I’m out of strokes well that…fuck. Bob: Oh, that worked! That was such a good shot! Jack: Ohh yes!
[Mark laughs] Jack: Oh wait…now you have a shot on me again. Fuck! Wade: That’s the last hole! Jack: Noooo!
Mark: Aw, how did I get… Mark: I…I got 9 strokes on that one?
But it’s only a 7 stroke limit! Wade: If you max out strokes, it adds you a penalty of 2, yeah.
Bob: Yeah, you get a penalty if you suck. Mark: Awww… [Bob laughs, Mark groans] Don’t forget to Subscribe to JackSepticEye for more video’s and games Jack: So, you guys wanna go get burgers *without* Wade? Mark: Yeah, absolutely. Wade: But…*I* like burgers.