Jim, I want to talk
about masturbation. Now, I just want you to know that
it’s-it’s a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have
to admit, uh, you know. I did a fair bit of masturbating
when I was a little younger. – I, uh… I used to call it
“stroking the salami.”
– [Groans] Yeah, you know,
“pounding the ol’ pud.” I never did it
with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort?
He “pinched the one-eyed snake”
five, six times a day. See, it’s like, uh,
practice for the big game. You see?
It’s like… It’s like… banging a tennis ball
against a brick wall. Which can be fun.
It can be fun, but it’s not a game. – Right. No.
– It’s not a game. What you want is you want
a partner to return the ball. – Do you want a partner?
– Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner. – You do want a partner?
– Oh, I want a partner. – Want a partner. Good. Good.
– Of course. Good. So, once Hal becomes king,
he has to take on… the responsibilities of leadership
and turn his back… on his old,
drunken friend, Falstaff.