– Yeah, yeah, yeah. – How many people have you killed, what do you think, in your life? On purpose? – I don’t. On purpose, like. Well, I really feel bad about all the insects I’ve killed in my life. – Insects, yeah. – Yeah, I look back and I’m like, I didn’t need to kill those spiders or stomp on things. I hate all that now. The other day, this is a true story, I reached peak vegan. The other day, there was a house centipede drowning in my bathtub
when I was taking a shower. You know a house centipede, they’re like the grossest bug ever. And I was like, I gotta save it because if I think I’m, if I love every creature,
gotta save this thing. Why would I force it to drown? So I went and I got a paper towel. I was so scared. I used to have the biggest
phobia of these things, so the fact that I was picking it up, I was really proud of
myself, and I was like, I’m gonna damp it off and get it cleaned. And I pulled back the paper
towel and I’m really scared. I was naked and afraid, and I’m like. And it was a clump of
pubes that I had rescued, that I had fully almost given CPR to. – That scares me. – It was like a lock. – It was house pubes.
– It was a giant lock. – How many legs did it have? – Kevin Nealon is here. It’s a big deal. I was saying yesterday, I can’t believe I’m like friends with you. There are certain people you become friends with in this business, and you’re just like, you
never could have predicted it. – You never could have. – And I’m honestly, I
feel friends with you. We went hiking the other day. – We did. On my hiking show.
– I did your show Hiking with Kevin. Judah Friedlander, you
need to do that show. Do you hike? – I can hike. – You can hike. – Are you a flat liner? Do you flat line hike? – I don’t know what that means. – Flat line, flat trail. Or can you do inclines?
– Whatever, dude. Whatever you need, man. – You can do inclines? – Dude, Earth, it’s my
planet, whatever you need. – Earth is his planet. – It’s just that some hikers, Nikki, seem like they’re flat liners, I think, a cup of coffee as they’re
hiking or a can of Diet Coke. And that’s cool. – And they just want to kind of, just take it easy, just walk. It’s more of a walk. – Where do you go hiking? – We went hiking up in. – TreePeople, up at the
top of Fryman Canyon. – Yes, that’s right. – Los Angeles. – So I went hiking with Kevin. He does an interview. It’s on his Instagram,
it’s also on his YouTube. What’s your? – YouTube channel, it’s
youtube.com/kevinnealoncomedy or #HikingWithKevin. – Hiking with Kevin, you can find, he interviews different
celebrities on a hike, and it’s all done by him. He could have another
camera there following, there could be other stuff, but it’s him with a selfie
stick, interviewing you. – And a drone. – And a drone. Now he’s got a drone shot. I watched Kevin Nealon
struggle with a drone for about 40 minutes
until we got the shot. But we got the shot. – We got the shot until
it crashed into the tree. – Oh yeah, it did crash into a tree. – But it looks, the
shot, you gotta see it. We’re coming down the hillside, and we had so much rain. The hillside is so green. It looks like the beginning
of The Sound of Music. – Yes. – Walking down the path. – I’m so excited to see it. So that will be out soon. But yeah, you have so many
great people on that show. And you, how did that show come about? – Well, I was friends with
Matthew Modine, still am, from Full Metal Jacket. And I called him one
day about two years ago. I said, hey man, you want to go for a hike up in the canyon near my house? He goes, sure. He lives not too far from me. So we meet and we’re hiking, and it’s a pretty rugged hike. We’re up near the top and it’s steep and we’re both out of breath. And I thought of a funny bit
where I’m interviewing him. We’re so out of breath we can’t
understand either one of us. And I was just holding my
camera like that, video taping. And that was funny. And then, on the way down the backside, I interviewed him some more. I said, Matt, do you ever turn down any movies that you regret? And he rolled his eyes, he goes, oh my god, after Full Metal Jacket, I was so picky, I turned
down the Michael J. Fox role in Back to the Future, I turned down the Tom Hanks role in Big, Charlie Sheen role in Wall Street, and let’s see, the Tom
Cruise role in Top Gun. I said, you idiot. We both laughed, and I posted
it on Instagram and Twitter. And people loved it.
– And people loved it. – And I just thought, I
should just hike with somebody different every week. And then, Stern liked it. He goes, you should make it longer. And so, I started a YouTube channel. – Yes, and has it been fulfilling? – It has been so fulfilling.
– It’s good? – Every Thursday, I post a hike. And I started creating seasons. So I’m in my second season now. In the first season, I did 31 hikes. – God. – And this one, I’m already
into the 20s, I think. – Who was the best hiker out of everyone? – You. – Really? – You were the best because first of all, you were so prompt. I go by promptness. – I want to put it out there. – Thank you, Judah. Start an applause break.
– And you’re in such great shape.
– Thank you. – And you were so flexible
and you’re so accommodating and you were so conversational. – Thank you. That really means a lot.
– That you were just so easy. And you were patient when I
was trying to do the drone. – I just enjoy hanging
out with Kevin Nealon. That was kind of what I was in it for. And then you gave me a bag of swag that I actually loved. – You did?
– I was just saying how I don’t love bags of swag anymore, and I don’t want them. But I really loved that. – What’d you get?
– You gave me a hat and a cool backpack and a
shirt that I’ve been wearing that says Hiking with Kevin. – Really? You wore it? – And then you gave me two vegan bars, not even knowing that
they were vegan probably. – No, I knew that. – You did? Oh my god, those were so good. – Because I saw on your Instagram that you like a certain
kind of protein bars. – Oh my god, Kevin, it was awesome, so I didn’t even know I was gonna, and a $50 Starbucks card. How dare I forget. That was the best. I will never turn down a Starbucks card. That was awesome. – What do you like at Starbucks? – Venti extra hot almond milk misto with a sprinkle of powder and five stevia. – How many times do you have
to repeat that to the barista? – I don’t repeat it. I will order it on my mobile order so as not to inconvenience anyone. – Oh, that’s the best.
– With me having to say it. – That’s the best. I forgot about that service.
– It is the best. The mobile, if you’re not
doing the mobile order. Judah, do you drink Starbucks? – I don’t drink coffee. – You don’t? – I don’t do caffeine or any other drugs. – How long has that been going on? – Legal or illegal. – No drugs? No caffeine your whole life? – Straight edge. – Have you ever done it? – I’ve done caffeine a
couple times in college. – ODs? – No, no, but I always
had a friend with me. – My problem is. – A shaman, a caffeine shaman? – See Nikki, my problem is I don’t, mine is very impulsive. I will go by a Starbucks and go, oh, do I feel like coffee? Yeah, I’ll go in. So I don’t have time
to pre-order and stuff. – Yeah, you’re a normal person. – And I typically just
get a regular coffee. But I like it hot, I like it lawsuit hot. – I love it lawsuit hot. I need it so hot. That’s why I order it extra hot. I take it hot because I chug everything, and it’s the only way for me to slow down and not have it done.
– You chug life. That’s how you are in life.
– I chug life. – You chug life. – Yeah, I really do. I’m a fast person. – Here’s what you need to get. I just recently found out
about these coffee cups that keep it hot for a long time. – Okay yes. I don’t even think I need. I chug it.
– It keeps it hot. You can have a sip in the morning and then come back to it at
two o’clock in the afternoon and it’s still hot.
– I don’t sip anything, Kevin. It is, if I start a
coffee, it will be done. I clean my plate every
time I start a meal. I don’t leave, I don’t
take my time with things. I rush things. – Do you have indigestion a lot? – No, no. – Wow, you have a good system. – I just remember as a kid.
– She’s a fast chewer too. She chews fast. – You talk fast.
– I remember as a kid being like, I talk fast,
I move fast, everything, I really do everything way too fast. – When are you totally, besides sleeping, shut down and relaxed? You ever sit and. – When I meditate. – But that’s kind of forced, isn’t it? – Yeah, who else? Do you guys just sit and do? I sit on my phone. But I’m fast on the phone. – Double thumber? – No, but that would be. That would expedite.
– You’re not a double thumber? – No, are you? – Yeah. – You hold your phone like this?
– Sometimes I’ll flip it sideways, yeah I’ll do two thumbs. Not all the time, but one thumb sometimes, sometimes it’s two thumbs. Sometimes I got all 10
fingers going on it. – How big is your phone? – It’s a really tiny phone. It’s a microchip phone. – That’s so cool. – I keep it in my mouth. – That’s good technique you
have, just good technique. – No, I would think
you’re a double thumber. – I don’t have hobbies. Do you guys have hobbies?
– You don’t have a hobby? – No I don’t and I need to get some. Do you have any? – You should learn how to knit. – [Nikki] No. – Because that will slow you down. – That would slow me down. I just don’t like, I
don’t like the feeling of. – I know what your hobby is.
– The yarn. – It’s Instagram. That’s your hobby.
– Yeah it is. Yeah, that’s not a hobby. That doesn’t count. – You have to count something as a hobby. – I can’t.
– Do you read? – Sometimes. – You don’t like to sit down
and read a good mystery? – No because.
– Do you get therapy? – I used to. – Why did you let that go? Was that a hobby? – That felt like a. I let it go because I had
a really bad therapist and then I had a therapist
that I just felt like, this is about as good
as having a conversation with one of my smart friends. Why am I paying for this
person to give me exactly what all my intellectual friends give me? – Why were you going to therapy? – Because I want to be a better person, I want to be happy, I don’t
want to be in a relationship, and I want to stop needing things and I want to feel good about myself. – Get a hobby.
– That’s a weird reason to go, but whatever.
(laughs) – I mean, what’s your hobby? And you can’t say hiking now because now that’s a part of your job. – When can I stop talking about hobbies? I have so many hobbies. I love to sketch. – Yeah, that’s true, you do. – I put caricatures on my Instagram, kevinnealonartwork.com.
– I do drawing too. I like drawing.
– Yeah, you do. – That’s therapy in itself. I like to play, I play the
five-string banjo and the guitar and I’m learning how
to play the piano now. I love playing the piano. I’m not even that good,
but I’m learning the scales and my chords and stuff because I figured
there’s pianos everywhere and so many people play the
piano that it must be easy. – Yeah, I know, people
do play the piano a lot. And it doesn’t seem easy. – It is. Once you get the idea, both
hands doing two different things at the same time. – You’re a double thumber, so you’re a natural for the piano. – So let’s recap.
– Guitar. I’ve tried to play guitar
so many times in my life. – You’d be a great guitar player. Just you’d look good playing the guitar. – Oh, I look so cool. I can play, I know chords,
but I have no rhythm. I can do all the fingering part. – Do you dance? Dancing With the Stars. – Yeah, and I got first voted off. – I thought you won first. But you seem like you’d be
a good club dancer though. – No, no. – But you’re athletic. I’ve seen you on. – I can run.
– American Ninja Warrior. – And I got last on that too.
– First, first. – I really did. I did the worst on that show too. – You’re not afraid to do anything. – I’m not afraid to fail.
– You did my hike. You’re not afraid to fail. – I’m good at running, I’m good at hiking, but there’s no Running with the Stars. Now there’s Hiking with the Stars because you have that show. – I just realized what I love about you. – What? – You are open to do anything because you want to explore and you want to experience things. You do it all. What have you turned down lately? – I’ve turned down quite a lot, no. – Nothing, you’ll take anything. – I like Joan Rivers for that. I always heard Joan Rivers did anything, and I did a rap battle show. I’ll just, I’ll do stuff that seems. – What was the rap battle? – It’s called Drop the Mic. It’s on TBS. – Oh yeah, okay. – It’s fun, it was fun. – And it scared me.
– Who’d you do it against? – Brad Williams, little person. – Yeah, yeah, I know Brad. – See, you do, you’re open to do anything. I think if I had a show where I drag people along the street, like with their jacket,
just drag them along for like three blocks,
you’d go, I’ll do it. – Premiere episode, sign me up. That would be hilarious. I wouldn’t have to do anything, and I could look bad. A lot of doing these things
is you want to look good and it’s exhausting for
me to do hair and makeup. I feel like if I was on a show where I’m being dragged on
the street by my jacket, you should look a little disheveled. – But you came on my hiking,
you were like perfect. You looked perfect. Have you seen her legs?
– That’s so nice. – I mean, in shape. – Thank you. I do have great legs.
– Pretty. Talks, keeps it going.
– I’m going to lean into my legs now because I used
to hate my legs my whole life and now I’m like, you know what, I’m just gonna like them because. – Get them insured, please, for me. Will you please insure those legs? – That’s so nice, Kevin, oh my god. – I’m serious, at least the right leg. The left leg I wasn’t crazy about. – So what do you do for hobbies, Judah? So you draw. – Draw sometimes, read,
ping pong, I play ping pong. – Dude, I love ping pong.
– Yeah, you’re really good at ping pong.
– I’m playing later today. – I’ll play you anytime. – I’ll play you today.
– I’ll take you to the cleaners. – I’ll play you today. I have my paddle with me right now. – I have my table with me. – Great. I have my net. There’s actually this one ping pong place. It’s like a rec center in Queens. – Is that Susan Sarandon’s place? – The one I’m going to today is, yes, SPiN on 23rd Street.
– I got a locker there, I got a locker. – But this one place, there’s
this one place in Queens, it’s like a rec center Y kind of a place. And from six to nine
or something at night, they have ping pong, and it’s
really competitive there. And there’s a lot of regulars. And so, if you don’t get
there right at the beginning, you could wait an hour to play. So one time, so the
first time I got there, I couldn’t even get in because
there was so many people. And the second time I got there early and I had a table and
then I realized the venue, they provide the tables but
they don’t provide the nets. And then everyone’s looking at me like I’m the biggest idiot. They’re like, you didn’t
bring your own net? And I’m like, no, I
usually don’t bring a net. – I do that with tennis.
– So I couldn’t play a game. – I have my own net for tennis, but I don’t have a ping pong net. I have my own paddle, do
you have your own paddle? – Yeah, I have it right here. – Sweet, man. I don’t want to brag, but in college, I was on the table tennis team. We played Yale and schools like that. – Yale’s known for
having one of the weaker table tennis teams. – No, this was back in the 1900s. Do you have a sandpaper paddle or is it the foam?
– I do. It’s in storage though. I’m in the middle of trying to move. – Look at you. – Ian, are you pong-er? What do you call it? – That’s fine, anything you want. – I like playing ping pong. – But is there a normal thing to call it? Is there a cool word for
people who play ping pong? – Have you ever watched on YouTube table tennis, like the pros? – I’ve seen some cool.
– It’s crazy. – It’s amazing the way
they return the ball from 30 feet away from the table. – I saw Forrest Gump, I get it. – That was fake, that was fake. – I know, but I know that
people can do what he did. – Yeah they can. – What, play against a wall by themselves? – No, just be so fast. – I played this wall one
time, it was so good. I couldn’t hit anything back. – Ian, what are your hobbies? – I like ping pong, I shoot pool. – That’s right.
– Pool’s great. That’s really relaxing. – Yeah it is. Yeah, I like shooting pool. I ride a bicycle, read. I color, I don’t draw. I have a coloring book. – How often do you color? Is this a real thing that you’re doing every day?
– I colored two weeks ago. – Two weeks is not.
– It’s very relaxing. – What kind of crayons are
you working with, Crayolas or? – I got Crayolas. – Crayolas are the best. – 64 box.
– Violet. What’s your favorite color, violet? – Like a cyan.
– Let me tell you something. – Cyan’s great.
– The crayon world. – Magenta.
– Has expanded so much since I was a kid.
– Colored pencils, I love colored pencils. – What brand do you get, Eagle? – What is happening? – Can we go back to the
crayons for a minute? Do you ever strip the paper off and just hold it bare in your hand? – I have, but not for years. – That’s where you get the best contact. – Not for years. – Yeah, I love it, man. – Do you color, really, Kevin? – I color if, when my son was younger. – Yeah, it’s fun with kids. – I really outshine him because I wouldn’t go
outside the line at all. I would keep it inside the lines. – See, I have a hard time with it. – Do you really? – No. – Do you bring your own lines? – No. I don’t. But we didn’t finish my hobbies. – Okay, let’s get back to that. – Okay, let’s recap them. – Because I don’t have any. – [Kevin] Let’s recap. – Okay, let’s recap. – And maybe you might enjoy some of these and you might want to do them. – Banjo. – Banjo, guitar, sketching,
drawing, painting. – You do great sketches. Can we talk about your
sketches for a second? You do caricatures of people. It’s almost caricature-like
sketching, right? – Yeah, it’s caricatures. – What makes something a caricature as opposed to I’m trying to
make this look like a person, it’s just a drawing of a person? – A caricature is you
accentuate their features, you exaggerate. – You bully them with a crayon. I got a caricature done
of me when I was 11, and there is a picture of me
sitting on this picnic table at this art fair or something, and I’m sitting across from
this guy who’s sketching me, and I’m so excited. All the attention is on me. This is fulfilling every need I needed. There’s gonna be a piece of
art made with my image on it? It couldn’t be cooler. And I’m sitting there and I’m like, I am famous, this is awesome. And you can see me, I’m just
like smiling, so excited. And it was the last moment of my innocence because it was broken seconds
later when he handed it to me and I had such severe buckteeth, he made me a rabbit that
was like roller blading. You pick a hobby that
you’re like, I like that, and they throw it. And I did not know that I had buckteeth, and then everyone knew after that. – Did you have buckteeth? – Yeah, yeah, I was called like, that was pretty much. – Were you Freddie Mercury for Halloween? – I should have been. My parents should have been on that. But I just like, you know I was, I just had, my teeth are
as big as they are now, my head was very small,
and they just stuck out and everyone called me
a bucktoothed beaver. – Do you know, one time I was. – You get it, Ian. – Oh yeah, I had Chiclets
hanging out of my mouth. – Yeah, we both were bucktoothed beavers. – Well, you grew into your teeth. – We did. So you’ll do this to people on planes, like you’ll post a picture that you have, or a sketch that you’ve done
of a caricature of someone that you’re kind of
observing on the plane. Do they ever find out? Has anyone ever seen
themselves in your Instagram? – No, not that I know of. – Do they ever get creeped out?
– Usually they’re sleeping. – Oh, they’re sleeping.
– And I’ll sketch them. If it’s a long flight. – I want to be on a
flight with you some day. – I’d love to sketch you sometime, even not on a flight. – Will you leave my teeth alone? – You have great teeth. – I do now. – You have really interesting.
– Because of braces. – Because you don’t have veneers or like the perfect smile. – Okay, well, easy there. – Perfectly, it’s perfectly. – Imperfect.
– Imperfect, thank you. – Great. Well, I did get Invisalign to fix it, and it didn’t really fix it. So I was trying to fix it.
– You have perfectly straight teeth, but you have. Teeth, I think, are such,
they’re so identifying with people. – Yes, literally. If you were in a burn accident, they’re the only
identifying thing of people. – Don’t you think it’s easier if you’re going to kill somebody, they’ll identify them by their teeth? Go to the dentist’s office,
get their files and burn them, so they can’t have anything
to compare them to. – Throw it in with the burn. – I’m remembering a joke
that made me really laugh that you said, I think I
heard it a couple years ago. – Oh, I don’t know. – How you met your girlfriend. – I don’t know. – You met your girlfriend on Google Earth. Is that true?
– Oh, that was an old joke that I used to do.
– I still remember that one. In fact, it works great for me. – She had been stalking
me for years, yeah. – It works great for you.
– It’s so funny. – I haven’t done that in years. – Judah has some, speaking
of, Kevin Nealon’s here, who has inspired me so much comedically. Judah as well, I remember
seeing Judah in 2005, I took a trip with my
best friend to New York. I had just started doing
comedy, like open mics. I was in the Midwest and we came here and we went to the Comedy Cellar. And I still remember you
talking about going fishing and what did you catch? – Oh yeah, that, I caught a whale. When I cut it open, there
were about 14 tarpon inside, mostly in the 100 to 200 pound range. I’m glad you other people have
had your little fishing trips and feel good about yourselves. – You’re just so smart and
your comedy is so funny. It’s just really, you see
him in person, you think, this guy must be crazy. But he gets on stage and
it’s so clever and funny. That’s all I had to say. – No, you’re right about Judah. I think, as everyone we
judge people based on, I judged him based on his comedy and was just so intimidated by him. I never wanted to even attempt
to be friends with him. And everyone says this about Judah. And I’m trying to tell
people how I feel about them before it’s too late, not that. Because with Brody and stuff, I’m like, I wish I would have let Brody know. I wish I would have let people. But Judah, what Judah means to me is like, he is so, he’s someone, and
this is rare with comedians, they really want to,
they ask good questions, they’re interested in you, he’s just, he’s someone who always
I’m excited to see because you actually care about other people. And you’re not only so funny and definitely care about
yourself enough to be so, you have to be somewhat of a narcissist, but for some reason, you’re
actually a really good friend and you care about people. – We just want to say that we love you. We love you so much.
– Thank you. – And don’t let anything happen to you. – See, this sucks. – Kevin, I love you too. – Thank you.
– Nikki, I love you too. – I mean, it’s corny.
– Ian, I love you too. – But every time someone dies, we all go, why didn’t I tell them before, and it’s not that I
think anyone’s gonna die, but it’s like why not just spread that, why not tell people how you feel? – Can I just say one thing that I, because it’s on my mind? Tom Davis was a writer
on Saturday Night Live. He was partners with Al Franken. And Al Franken wrote a book
and he tells us about this. And he says that Tom Davis came
down with a terminal illness and he only was given
a few months to live. So I think Lorne Michaels
threw a party for him. And a lot of people came, and they were just, it was like, you know, to pay your respects
to him when he’s alive and give him your love and
everybody made speeches and they loved him. And that was a very nice thing
and they said goodbye to him. Well, he lasted longer than
he thought he was gonna last, and he was embarrassed to
come out and see these people. Are you still alive? Yes, I am, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. And he kept living and living until eventually he did pass away, but it was really
uncomfortable for him I think. And he was embarrassed he was alive still. – That’s so funny. That’s, I mean. – Yeah, Franken and Davis,
they were a comedy team. Well, that’s gotta be the way you feel when you get married and
then you get divorced like really soon after some couples. I know a couple that just
got married and got divorced before a year. – Before the warranties were
up on the blenders and stuff? – Yeah. And it’s just so, that’s gotta
be the same kind of feeling. – Or what if you get married again and you invite the same people? Do we got to get them another gift? – Do you? I don’t know. You’ve been married twice. – What’s your all’s take on? – Yeah, but the second
time, I didn’t have a really a wedding. We went to Italy and got
married, just her and me. – Oh, that’s the best, that’s great. – What’s your take on
destination weddings? What’s your take on those? – I did one in Italy in Lake Como. – And you said, was it a big
wedding or a small wedding? – It was just me and her. We had to pay two Italians to witness it. – Okay, but what about when
it’s a destination wedding and you’re having a big wedding and inviting tons of people? – Then you gotta fly them in. – Yes, absolutely fly them in. But I think it would be a
good excuse for a fun time. – But what if they don’t fly you in? They just expect you to. – Then you hope the marriage doesn’t last. – Who does that? Who really does that? – I think a lot of people do that. – Everyone I know that’s done
that has gotten divorced. – Oh really? There’s actually a
statistic that just came out that said the more money
you spend on your wedding, the less likely you’re.
– The more likely you’re. – To last.
– Oh, interesting. – Which completely makes sense. That means you’re kind
of like a materialistic, we’re doing it for the
event, it makes sense that there’s not like a real connection. – Do they have a statistic on the size of the engagement rings too? – Probably around, it’s
probably the same kind of deal. – Nikki, did I tell you
when I went to Lake Como to get married in Bellagio? – At the Bellagio? – No. – Oh, there’s just a
place called Bellagio? – There’s an actually, yeah. – Named after the casino, right? – They named it after the casino, yeah. We get there.
– Honestly didn’t know that there was a city
called Bellagio, go on. – It’s in the town hall and
the mayor’s marrying us. It’s all in Italian. I don’t even know if we got married. Maybe it’s a restraining order. But I look outside and all
these paparazzi are forming outside in the courtyard,
and I’m thinking, oh no, what’s going on? Nobody knows we’re getting married, and even if they did, they
wouldn’t be like this. And there’s like probably
50 paparazzi out there, cameras and everything. And I come outside and they
take pictures and stuff and they follow us down the walkway. And I found out that they
thought I was Matt Damon. – What? – Because Matt Damon had been looking at, eight weeks earlier, for
a place to get married, or a couple months earlier, and they thought he was coming back. They heard an American celebrity
was coming to get married, so they thought it was Matt Damon. – Amazing. – So the whole walk back, I’m
saying, I’m not Matt Damon. No Matt Damon. – And they kept taking pictures. And the next day, we’re
sitting at the cafe by the lake and there’s somebody reading the Italian newspaper next to us and there’s a picture of
me and my wife on the front and above it, it says
(speaks foreign language). – No way. That’s amazing. – It was so bizarre.
– That’s awesome. – Oh, that’s so good. – Was that your wedding photo? – That was, yeah. – Oh my god, I would love, I mean, that is a dream of mine. – That’s perfect.
– To get married and have the paparazzi
want a picture of it. – [Judah] In Italy, they just call pap.
– See, there’s your hobby. You like attention. – I do. – That is your hobby. – I do like attention. It’s a problem. I think that. – Kathy Griffin was like that too I think. – Yeah, yeah I know. We have a problem. – So you and Kathy
Griffin have a lot alike. – Well, I loved her reality
show, My Life on the D List, and that’s exactly what I want to do now, is I just want to live my life and have cameras follow me around. I’d be totally okay with that. I would actually be
more than okay with it. I actually actively want it. – You should pitch it. – I am, I am. – Do you mind people staring at you? – I don’t like that. I don’t like if, I would, well, maybe. – How many cameras do
you want following you? – I mean, I like to perform on stage, so I think. – Do you mind a camera from the back only? – Yes because my butt is so disappointing. I would mind that, I’d
want to keep it front. – Really? – I’m thinking about
getting butt injections. I’m gonna be completely
honest with everyone here. – Dude, when you go into a
dressing room to try on clothes and they have the three
mirrors behind you, are you kind of surprised at how you look?
– I haven’t done, I haven’t done that before. – You haven’t? – No way. You’ve never been into. – No, I’m joking. No, I’ve had to do it for.
– He has shoppers. – No, I think I had to get. – He likes house centipedes. He’s never been in a bath. – No, I think I had to
get a suit a couple times, so I saw those things, yeah. – Yeah, they’re devastating. – No, you’re thinking, who’s that person? That’s my butt? – I know, that’s my butt. – [Ian] I like it. – Well, it was a suit. It wasn’t like, it’s kind of loose. It’s not like, the suit
wasn’t form fitting so. – You don’t like those suits they wear now that look like Pee-wee Herman suits? – Oh, the tight ones? No, I don’t like those.
– Yeah, short and tight. – Yeah, I don’t like those. – No, I think that’s a good look. – You like that look?
– Yeah, I like it. – Even with a tall guy. – Yeah, yeah. – Why? It’s like Pee-wee Herman, isn’t it? – I guess it just like looks fashionable and so it looks like. – Who makes up these ideas, they look fashionable,
what they should be? – I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know. I have heard recently that there’s just nothing new in fashion, fashion is just done. They’ve done literally everything. Everyone hold on to whatever
90s clothes you’re wearing now because it’s back in style.
– They’ll come back. – It’s gonna be back in 20 years. So just hold onto it now. Don’t go buy new stuff. – How about balloon pants? Is that what they’re called? – Oh, like the MC Hammer pants? – MC Hammer, yeah. – I don’t know that those are back yet. – Parachute pants? – Yeah, I don’t know
that those are back yet. Fashion is exhausting. – What an industry
though to make money in. – I know. And I just read some
statistics about fast fashion, just clothing is, clothing
contributes to more pollution in the air, making
clothing, than every plane, every ship, every car, for any
kind of shipping and handling that is happening in the world, it creates more pollution
than all of that. – I always knew models were jerks. – I see no rings on you
or bracelets or anything. – What does this mean to you? – It means that you’re gonna make somebody very happy one day. – Because I’m low maintenance. – Yes, you’re very independent. You’re not needy. Maybe you’re needy,
but you’re independent. Can you be independent and needy?
– Jewelry is attention. – I can be very needy, yeah, like I feel like I can be. – Do you wear contacts? – No, I mean yes, sometimes. – Do you have them in now? – No, that would be weird. I’m wearing glasses. – I know. – But I just read about
this woman who got Lasik in November. – Blind? – It made her blind and
she, it’s really tragic, she killed herself in
December because from Lasik. I almost got Lasik in July. I had the appointment made. And then the day before, The New York Times put
out an article about people who have really
bad reactions to Lasik that no one’s talking about. Everyone’s just like, it’s so easy. They just cut your eye
open and then you’re fine. And it’s one percent of people though have really, really bad side effects. That’s not nothing. One percent is something. You could be that one percent. Take it from me who thought
I wouldn’t be voted off first of Dancing with the Stars. It’s like someone has to be. You have a one in 13 chance. It’s gonna be someone. I literally thought no one could be. There’s a one percent
chance, one in a hundred, you’re gonna screw up your eyes. So I canceled the thing, and then I read this
story about this woman. A lot of people go blind after it. – I will tell you that, and maybe Judah you’ve experienced this, I had Lasik on my nipple and nothing. No side effects at all, Judah. – Clear, are you
near-nippled or far-nippled? – Far-nippled now, but I was near-nippled. – Got it, got it, got it. What about you, Judah? You only wear glasses.
– I had a lot, I had a lot of what Kevin just said. – Lot of Lasik all over the body. – I don’t want to talk about it. It didn’t go well. Thanks for bringing it up though. – I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that was
such a sore spot for you. – Literally.
– It still is a sore spot. – After Lasik, it
shouldn’t be sore though. – It still is.

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Dennis Veasley

47 thoughts on “Amateur Ping Pong Is Way More Intense Than You Think (feat. Kevin Nealon and Judah Friedlander)”

  1. Don't save centipedes. They are the worse. I've had multiple centipedes sneak into my bed and bite my feet in the middle of the night. They are horrible arthropods.

  2. Spot on about Judah. Met him after a standup show six years ago and he was so kind and friendly. He would’ve talked to every fan for hours if he could.

  3. How many legs did it have? Hahahahagagahahsgagagha!!!!
    That dick sucking Ian Fidance is soooo hilarious! Bwaaahahaha! 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

  4. Four minutes in, and still no ping pong. Grrr. DON'T BURY THE LEDE! A guy doesn't drink coffee. Froggy sounding woman has good digestion. As I type, it's getting even worse. Plonk.

  5. Hey Nikki can you stop ruining all of the other women in the 🌎 Stop destroying every woman. You’re fucking awesome as a person first. Don’t ever slow down!

  6. Is it me or was there way too many double entendres for sex here? 11 minutes in and I'm already taking a break to comment about it 🤣

  7. Dear Lord, comedians are the most boring, unfunny people to talk to when they don’t have pre-written material ready.

  8. 14:13 I can't continue to support Nikki after the vile, disgusting language she used in this clip… smh

  9. show idea kevin drives around and the first celebrity he see's he picks them up they spend a day together It can't be planned I'd watch it

  10. kevin is so fucking witty funny dude i hate snl but like the age kevin n spade n chris f were on….rip brody!!! fuckin still over fuckin with his meds why i refuse meds for my bipolar anxiety disorder paranoia….he was 7 years older man i served 5 awful years in texas mental asylums 1995-2000, sash, desert hills, forest springs as in those 5 years died 3 times sadly revived by hangings at 16, 17, 21 cos theywere letting me go, as in "i am cured but truth they thought i was to violent and was no hope for me…as just 7 days before i put a guys face through a window then another tryin restrain me split his skull with vhs then another with a broom handle across his teeth! then they restrained me sedated me i woke up in hospital as i unknowingly shoving dudes face through window sliced my thumb to the bone they brought me back staff said you hurt a lotta people john nurse wants you on this antipsychotic a pill i knew makes ya a zombie right by phone on wall i tore in out so fast smashed his nose n eye threw it at guy runnin at me broom was by nurse door i hit staff dude so fuckin hard man thick broom split his skull shaved head was brutal! then my stitched up thumb a stitch in each finger and a fractured hand EXPLODED!!! MY HAND BLEW UP MY STITCHES BLEW OUT hand was just dangling like a blown out tire man shit….sedated woke up in hospital surgery at 40 now still 2 knuckles just gone! just ya get the old man pains man from those great days of violence miss em….my suicide w a .380 this time aint no reviving!!!! i died 7 times sadly revived 15-21 now age 29 died alone overdose from pill liquor abuse 3 times in 5 days lugs collapsed but guess pumped back up n i went pack tp loads!!! percs xanax ativan n wild turkey shit life comedy podcasts make me life!!!! my games n comics still since 1982!! and my band peisithanatos helped me express my vocals in dsbm black metal n my lyrics of demented philosophies from my published poem book….i gotta try revise 1 last time 150 poems left out though! then sign for irs get money i'll need for my funeral…or cremated ironically cheaper, like a jew as i till 2007 was a neo nazo ah i loved crushin antifa real fascists, sharp! texas boot boys dumb multi colored skinheads not racist yet dress like we did!! morns hypocrites i despise can say as crazy as i was may be still i was never a hypocrite, defeated nor a coward!!! MY MOTTO AS AKA MENGELE, VIOLENCE SOLVES EVERYTHING! make em break, make em bleed, they shall remember you always with greatest of fear!!! DAMN I wanna sex fuck hard nikki aint goin down but i can look get erect day dream like i do with mila kunis!!!!!!!!

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